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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Ominous Skydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dustinamoody
    ASL Info:    22/M /CALI
    Elite Ratio:    3.87 - 110/115/28
    Words: 62
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 190
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 506



    Description:
       A write I wrote, about rain and earth.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOminous Skydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Staring into an ominous sky,
    Rain descending from the heavens.
    Virtuously heaving itself towards earth.
    Earth’s kindred spirit, the rebirth.

    Water sits stagnant in masses.
    Languidly filtering into the earth,
    Roots striving for water, like an
    Infant consuming thy mothers milk.

    Trees, our mothers priceless resource,
    Composing oxygen like a symphony,
    Whilst painting a scenery,
    Of an incandescent greenery.




    Submitted on 2006-03-07 11:31:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      There was great form and style in this write. The word play gave sound and light to the mind's canvas. From start to finish, you gave us stunning glimpse of Nature and its relationship to what we experience as life.
    | Posted on 2006-03-30 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]
      i think it neds more details i may say .. and well .. more wording i should say .. because i felt it kind of vague .,. but the mesaagee behind this was dgood. nice try .. i think you can improve it .. !
    peace and love
    and keep writing!
    take care!
    Victor!
    | Posted on 2006-03-07 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this. Even if the rhymes not really poetic the words are and it paints a wonderful natural picture. I like poems about nature and this is a good one. keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2006-03-07 00:00:00 | by Alura | [ Reply to This ]
      i think it wasn't too bad. It brought vivid scenery to my mind, all about nature and whatnot. The rhyming was a bit off, but overall evaluation: not bad.
    | Posted on 2006-03-07 00:00:00 | by darkwinged | [ Reply to This ]
      My friend you touched on something very important
    To many people associate the rain with sadness
    I LOVE a rain filled day for the very reasons you describe
    The rain repleneshes the Earth bringing it whole and vibrant again
    I really like this write
    Excellent work
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-03-07 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      i love the natural beauties of this earth...i love the untainted things and you express words saying the same...untamable to man there greedy hands can't touch our love for nature and its love for us...
    | Posted on 2006-03-07 00:00:00 | by suicidalacts72 | [ Reply to This ]
      *Growls* Sorry, I just typed a huge thing for this and a pop up erased it all! So, I am going to start over. This time you won't have my retarded little rant in the beginning, though I am sure you don't mind.

    Imagery:
    In the first stanza a saw a swirl of dark purples and blues. Meshed, but each distinct. Being pulled down, down to a place they are loathed to go. Fighting and fighting to stay above, but always a coy touch to the ground, before racing back to the top, hiding away in there home, before the next time they are pulled low.

    In the second stanza my image is a little odd in the end, I hope you don't mind what I saw. Though it is only what I saw. Layers. Surface, pools of water rippled by the falling rain, green grass stretching upwards. Dirt, dark roots acting as straws, pulling the water to the core. The core, a child not yet let from the womb. Enclosed, warm, alive from the nurishment of mother earth.

    Last stanza: I saw a long line of massive trees. Each standing strong against the wind as their leaves spin endlessly creating a melody that you can't fully respect unless you see as well as hear their songs.


    All-in-all, I liked it, I thought it a little cluttered at first, then I read stanza by stanza, slowly, let it sink in and I am not seeing much clutter anymore.

    Keep on keepin' on
    Bon
    | Posted on 2006-03-07 00:00:00 | by Krazy | [ Reply to This ]



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