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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: slice slice slip...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: suicidalacts72
    ASL Info:    20/f/WI
    Elite Ratio:    3.08 - 189/150/69
    Words: 140
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 847
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 892



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsslice slice slip...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    i open my heart
    only to cry
    you hurt me slowly
    i don't understand why
    must you hurt me
    this bad?
    don't you understand
    your making me sad?
    i cut my flesh
    i don't understand what i do
    all i know
    is i do it because of you
    its all your fault
    now i'm ready to die
    when i'm gone
    i know you won't cry
    you never cared
    never shed a tear for me
    i wish i wasn't so blind
    then maybe i could see
    you were raping me all along
    i gave myself to you
    no strings attached
    you did what you wanted to do
    left me alone
    cold in my room
    in my self pitty
    and a condemning gloom
    i cut too deep this time
    i could actually feel
    slice slice slip
    on a blade of steel...




    Submitted on 2006-03-07 13:47:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i thought it was a good poem because it felt like you were letting out emotions that needed to be let out and thats always a good thing plust i knew what you were talking about and it was easy to understand. The only thing that wasnt that good was the rhyming. instead of using simple words that are obvious rhymes, try to mix it up alittle. i think u have potential if you keep at it.
    | Posted on 2006-03-09 00:00:00 | by LoveToHateMe | [ Reply to This ]
      I feel this entire poem seeps of self pity,blaming someone else for your own actions,rather this is just a poetic piece or something your actually do(cutting) self destructing is never a good thing and I fell to see how someone not returning your love could possibly hurt more then cutting on oneself could and would,I think you are a very capible poet and I would really like to see you write on other subjects,you might even find it a much better outlike
    adnil
    | Posted on 2006-03-07 00:00:00 | by adnil | [ Reply to This ]
      Dark, eh? I dunno. I can see how you might feel how the world is turning against you and and making you cut, but you have a choice. As a past ( and ometimes presant) person of self destruction, I know that there are other ways to deal. Poetry being a main one for me. Maybe thats what you were trying to do with this poem. You hit a nerve.
    Rae
    | Posted on 2006-03-07 00:00:00 | by losing_focus | [ Reply to This ]
      I dont find the poem dark eather it is just a simple cut me cause of you poem. The flow was good but not one of my personal favoriites. Probably cause I hate cutters.
    | Posted on 2006-03-07 00:00:00 | by Evil Jesture | [ Reply to This ]
      Don't listen to the I hate cutters comments. I have never been a cutter, and probably never will, my best friend yoused to be a cutter though. One thing that you must remember if a relationship does not workout, it is not worth hurting yourself over. Just remember that the piece of [censored] who left you, or who you may have left is not worth your love if they dont want it.

    Jack Johnson says it best,
    "I know that lovin somebody dont make them love you."

    I dont know Please dont cut yourself, I dont know you honestly dont really care, but you are 17 years old if you think your first love is going to be the love of your life than you are crazy, you have all of the time in your world.
    | Posted on 2006-03-07 00:00:00 | by dustinamoody | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with dustinamoody. It's a good poem and I can relate to it. I used to be a cutter myself but for different reasons. But I have to say one thing, don't kill yourself over any person, no matter who it is, no one is worth the trouble, and if the person who left you put you through that much pain, he/she is a peice of [censored] anyway. But I understand your pain.
    | Posted on 2006-03-08 00:00:00 | by Draigon | [ Reply to This ]


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