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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: smokedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: brokensmile
    Elite Ratio:    3.1 - 241/326/148
    Words: 114
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 983
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 835



    Description:
       i wrote this in math class
    it took me 5 minutes
    it sucks
    i hate it
    tear it apart


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotssmokedots
    -------------------------------------------


    All that is seen
    is halfway closed
    one grey window
    chilled in cold
    inside still and blazing
    with a heat-waved ice
    intense enough
    to smack dry skin together
    subtle enough for blood to suffice

    watch it trickle through the cracks
    where her own muffled and regal cold gasped
    into words
    into letters
    into air
    into silence
    barely hanging on to the notes
    ripped into piles of ashes
    blackened upon the floor
    light a match
    another sandpaper edge
    to scrape against
    and struggle across
    from discomfort
    into tolerable cruelty
    she paints whats left
    on skin and sheets
    then destroys all progress
    with her red container of gasoline.





    Submitted on 2006-03-07 19:31:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You're definatley my favourtie writer on this website so far, You have SO f'n much passion and feel in your poems, I just love them soooo much, you make me look bad! but it's okay, cause i Love it!
    | Posted on 2006-05-28 00:00:00 | by JetPilot | [ Reply to This ]
      FIVE MINUTES?!?!??!?!...ok sorry about that i just can't believe it took you only five minutes..i envy you...i thought this piece was great..good description, the flow was great..

    "light a match
    another sandpaper edge
    to scrape against
    and struggle across
    from discomfort
    into tolerable cruelty
    she paints whats left
    on skin and sheets"

    I thought those lines were the best..they just were like wow..i love your wording skills..it just must have come together so easily..anyhows i loved this piece with a passion..keep up the great work!
    -Lucy-
    | Posted on 2006-03-11 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ]
      wow no way that was five minutes! its great...i love all teh metaphors u have in it. it really adds. as a matter of fact, i think thats what makes it so good. that and the emotion u put into it. good imagery too...keep it up!
    | Posted on 2006-03-07 00:00:00 | by sussysabaslice | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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