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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: To Never Be Replaceddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Qutedia7
    Elite Ratio:    3.6 - 54/70/31
    Words: 399
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 184
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1977



    Description:
       A poem to describe my love for someone. (cough cough). Um yeah I really dont lyke it but w.e its a poem so I put it up here. I revised the poem after 5 comments on my poem. I really took the comments to heart and lyked every single one. I could see where each commenter was coming from. Thanks! And for pplz who havent read my poem, comment, NO better yet, BASH IT! I dont care do w.e you want to do w. this poem but DONT STEAL!!!

    Thanks


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTo Never Be Replaceddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Baby, I love you and I'll never let you go. But, If I have to, boy I think you should know that the love we made and created can never be erased, and that in my heart you will never be replaced. I dont think you know that your touch is so amazing to me. Your warmth of your body makes me quake. Your voice so strong and passionate. My love for you, is unconditional. You may not know it becasue you are always with your friends, but when I see you my world lights up. People tell me leave you alone but they dont understand. Your my friend, my ex at that. Maybe its becasue I hold on too tight. Your my first love. It may be that I hold on to tight becasue we now live in two different worlds and I dont want to lose you. I dont throw myself at you becasue girls already do that to you. Your hugs from behind, is so real. The touch of your arms around me makes me feel happy and safe. But now you barely give me the time of day with no hugs and now I have to say your name for attention. Is it because you are caught up in this world of being a flirt? I dont know but all I want you to know is that I still want you. I'll tell you someday my deepest feelings for you, but for right now Im trying to keep you in my presence. You can never be replaced from my heart becasue you were my 1st. Friends tell me to get over you but you have a lasting affect on me. My parents tell me Im too young for love but you are my breathtaking reflection of God's heart becasue of you. You make me feel like Im the only one there when we are talking, and that is so wonderful to me. My love for you is unexplainable, you may not even notice it. When you are going out with another girl its hurts so much I just wanna SCREAM but I keep my cool becasue I know that you will be there for me one day. You.... my love.... my everything.... my soul that gave my the courage to love again..... its all you. You....


    Love, Me








    Submitted on 2006-03-07 19:35:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      hey, the way you have written this piece sounds as though this "special someone" is so important in your life, but i think you should break up the lines a bit, maybe put it into stanza, it would be easier to read... i really liked it it could be longer, and more expanded, but as a raw piece it was pretty good, keep improviiing...
    ~hannah~
    | Posted on 2006-04-03 00:00:00 | by seriouscutter19 | [ Reply to This ]
      I must say, this really brings everything out into the light! It makes it a lot easier to understand where you were coming from in the first two lines. I'm glad you added to it. I can now understand why you don't want to let go, why you want to hold on forever. He was your first, and you won't forget that, but more than likely, you both will eventually move on, but you will never forget. No one ever forgets.

    Kassandra

    Kassandra
    | Posted on 2006-03-10 00:00:00 | by darkwinged | [ Reply to This ]
      Honestly, I think it's really short. Elaborate a little bit more, maybe? Like what makes you hang on so tightly? And seperate the lines. It'd make for an easier read.
    That's all I have to say.
    | Posted on 2006-03-07 00:00:00 | by darkwinged | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a really deep expression of love
    But I cant help but think how great this write could be with a little more words that express that emotion you have
    God Bless
    Ron

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-03-07 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this...a true expression of love...i feel the same way about a certain someone glad you could get your point across with such a small amt of words but...i do like to read poems that are a little longer...you could add more imagery to this peice and give us an even bigger hint at what this person means to you

    .:Martini:.
    | Posted on 2006-03-07 00:00:00 | by MartiniMadeLvr | [ Reply to This ]
      This kind of reads like a chorus to a ballad by an 80's hair band.

    And for this type of emotion you put it short and to the point. It could be longer, but it would just run over itself trying to say the same things with different words, ya know?
    | Posted on 2006-03-08 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with evryone else- it's too short... what you have written is, in a sense, deep & meaningful but it would be great if you could feed off of what you already have & lengthen this piece a bit more.
    ~Tonya
    | Posted on 2006-03-08 00:00:00 | by Tonya V. | [ Reply to This ]



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