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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Exists shall Idots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: keestu
    ASL Info:    32/male/Sydney
    Elite Ratio:    5.61 - 153/95/116
    Words: 230
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1151
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 983



    Description:
       why do i exist i ask myself


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsExists shall Idots
    -------------------------------------------


    Exists shall I in this world of wonders
    Seemingly calm, serene and fiery
    Making life to continue in its path unknown
    Will I be alive to be known so leery.

    Shall I not die for my love to see?
    Will I not live to the day of evolution?
    May I not make history by living?
    Life in itself shall be redemption.

    A hundred years of life
    A billion thoughts in mind
    Die to forget all
    Senseless in it shall be it to bind.

    Infinite as I think which I want to live
    So are the thoughts that enrage
    Endless the road that I see before me
    Exist shall I to see the sun emerge.

    Cry do I the thought engulfs
    Confused am I to see the dreams disappear
    Made up of cells many to pass
    Filled up with commotion I am
    filled up with fear........
    why??????




    Submitted on 2006-03-08 03:12:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I think this read more like your jounal entry than a poem. I think you focused on asking to many questions for your readers and it made it hard to keep pace and stay attentive. This was good, just needs some revising maybe. Tone down all the questions and I' think you will be fine.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-03-11 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this alot it i love the way the questions are formed they don't seem to be in the normal order and it makes the poem better to read. i like all the questions also because they make you think about the poem rather than just reading it i like the last to lines also and i like that it ends in why it seems despairing and is really good to me...
    VYnom
    | Posted on 2006-04-18 00:00:00 | by PryncessVynom | [ Reply to This ]


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