She's just a teeny tiny person
In your oversized world
She wears her pants too long
She wears her hair in curls
She's just a little portion
Of what life has in store
She's achingly young and innocent
Right down to her very core
She's just a teeny tiny nymph
Hidden in the shadows of a tree
She is the color in a rainbow
She's the child in you and me
She's just a little part
Of that thing you call your life
She'll never have a child
She'll never be a wife
She's just a teeny tiny person
Who sheds her teeny tiny tears
She has her teeny tiny joys
And her teeny tiny fears
She's just a miniscule piece
Of the world you tore apart
She's the only thing that fits
That tiny place in your heart.
There's a teeny tiny thought floating through a slightly tiny mind with a long-winded dialogue caught in a wishy-washy whine and there's a teeny-tiny chance that in this teeny-tiny poem that the repetition of she, should just be left alone Though it may cause a teeny-tiny problem detracting from the flow the repetition adds a bit more to the show the flow to me is harmed not by the persistent she but instead by the inconsistent rhymes what once sound the same, abruptly becomes empty ------ With that out of the way, line seven starts off by detracting from the flow and rhythm too soon. While it is possible that the flow was intentionally interupted, I don't think it was meant to be. The "very" in line 8 seems unecessary, or not so much unecessary as much as it just doesn't fit. "Very" might fit if line seven is changed in such a way that "very" fits in, otherwise, if you really want to keep "very", removing the two words "right down" would make it so very fits, at least with the rhythm of the poem as I think it is. The twenty-fourth line [last line] also breaks from the rhythm, I find it hard to say it in a way that flows well with the rest of the poem's flow. I think if you remove "that" from the last line, and replace it with "the" and if you replace "in" with, "within" I think it would work better whether or not "that" is "that" or "the". And sorry about the bad poem that I started with, I just felt I had to do it after reading this. I don't see much problem with having "she" and its variants at the beginning of most of the setences. The repetition adds something that some people might miss. I noticed the stilted rhyming/flow more than anything. Mm. That's all for now.
wonderful write, I liked this poem from start to finsh and the teeny tiny thing really did work grand in this piece there isn't a thing I would change about this write,its awesome just the way it is adnil
I like this a lot. You do a good job here with the metaphor of the child is us. Nice work. Only suggestion I can make is to eliminate some of the 'she's' so you have them more strategically placed through the poem. Nice!
This is SUCh a cute little poem! I loveee it! It reminds me of that country song.. itty bitty. And it really makes you think that, yea.. people dont have to be perfect in order for you to love them. good job!
I really liked this one! The ending of it was wonderful. It defintely closed the poem wonderfully. I too like the "teeny tiny" bit. It gave a poem with such depth and darkness that little bit of light and innocense.
My favorite part was:
She's just a teeny tiny nymph Hidden in the shadows of a tree
I really like the feel to this write. The "teeny tiny" thing works well. Too many "she's" though. The repetition is distracting. And something this interesting (and fun to read) doesn't need distractions.
And (just for fun) I'd change that last part to >
Shes' the only thing that fits In your teeny tiny heart.
I love how the "teeny little person" is innocent and happy like, as you said, the child within us. Ever since Tony said that...you've been wrapped up in this "teeny lady" theme. It's really neat...I think. I like the way the poem ryhmed. Very well written. :)