Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: perfect circles of lovedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: mamukami
    Elite Ratio:    5.98 - 13/19/7
    Words: 154
    Class/Type: Poetry/BrokenHeart
    Total Views: 191
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1154



    Description:
       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsperfect circles of lovedots
    -------------------------------------------


    level playing fields the turf kicks back.
    never clear to begin with
    but always green.

    keep off the grass.
    i always heeded.

    undressing me in words, printed hands on flesh
    i turned my eyes,
    willing blindness
    holding silence
    head in sand
    blinking
    pleading deaf and mute.

    heart breaking.

    body burning.

    stepping back.
    legs, firmly, crossed.

    even in this,
    our perfect circle of love,
    i have nothing to say.

    bound between two abyss,
    that were dug by other hands
    while i sit looking out over other horizons.

    distances unfathomable,
    my fingers bleed
    digging for bricks
    to build bridges

    to loves i share
    a sister
    her lover
    a brother

    this game is not mine to play
    the bridges not mine to build
    the emptiness to cross
    not of my making
    not mine
    still
    fingers bleed
    for
    hearts emptying
    onto green
    blades




    Submitted on 2006-03-08 05:49:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "digging for bricks
    to build bridges"

    Brilliant.

    I am in no position to offer elaborate critiques. I don't believe there are perfect poems. When I read poetry I look for that spark of insight, understanding, wisdom. If there were a thousand lines of verse and only one stanza sent tha shock down my spine, it was worth my time to read.
    | Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by nsc | [ Reply to This ]
      i love ther verse "distances unfathomable, my fingers bleed digging for bricks to build bridges" it reminds me of my own bloody fingers and bricks yet to be found...very good
    | Posted on 2006-03-08 00:00:00 | by Amanda Lynn | [ Reply to This ]
      iknow i already posted but i just re-read it and i do love this poem...very well done...i am now searching your archive and seeing what other works you posted
    | Posted on 2006-03-08 00:00:00 | by Amanda Lynn | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    94183



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry