Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: perfect circles of lovedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: mamukami
    Elite Ratio:    5.81 - 13/20/8
    Words: 152
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 979
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1151



    Description:
       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsperfect circles of lovedots
    -------------------------------------------


    level playing fields the turf kicks back.
    never clear to begin with
    but always green.

    keep off the grass.
    i always heeded.

    undressing me in words, printed hands on flesh
    i turned my eyes,
    willing blindness
    holding silence
    head in sand
    blinking
    pleading illiteracy.

    heart breaking.

    body burning.

    stepping back.
    legs, firmly, crossed.

    even in this,
    our perfect circle of love,
    i have nothing to say.

    bound between two abyss,
    that were dug by other hands
    while i sit looking out over other horizons.

    distances unfathomable,
    my fingers bleed
    digging for bricks
    to build bridges

    to loves i share
    a sister
    her lover
    a brother

    this game is not mine to play
    the bridges not mine to build
    the emptiness to cross
    not of my making
    not mine
    still
    fingers bleed
    for
    hearts emptying
    onto green
    blades




    Submitted on 2006-03-08 05:49:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "digging for bricks
    to build bridges"

    Brilliant.

    I am in no position to offer elaborate critiques. I don't believe there are perfect poems. When I read poetry I look for that spark of insight, understanding, wisdom. If there were a thousand lines of verse and only one stanza sent tha shock down my spine, it was worth my time to read.
    | Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by nsc | [ Reply to This ]
      i love ther verse "distances unfathomable, my fingers bleed digging for bricks to build bridges" it reminds me of my own bloody fingers and bricks yet to be found...very good
    | Posted on 2006-03-08 00:00:00 | by Amanda Lynn | [ Reply to This ]
      iknow i already posted but i just re-read it and i do love this poem...very well done...i am now searching your archive and seeing what other works you posted
    | Posted on 2006-03-08 00:00:00 | by Amanda Lynn | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    94183

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Faith In Line written by MyPeriodical
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Born of the Mouth written by MyPeriodical
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Incubus written by monad
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    By the bar written by expiring_touch
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    Stretto written by saartha
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry