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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: self portrait with ghostsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Someones Epiphany
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 4454/2106/161
    Words: 298
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 2007
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2338



    Description:
       ok so...
    whatever...
    complicated to explain... complicated to write... hope it works...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsself portrait with ghostsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    kids are into cutting; it's the new black
    for some the manifestation of pain
    is for others the need for attention
    however all maintain this brings resolve:
    nothing heals like blades on innnocent skin
    but always remember: sunsets are free.

    but always remember: sunsets are free;

    answers merely elicit more questions-
    a succession of meaningless chapters
    with no plot other than killing off days
    kill your heart: divorce, neglect, run from it;
    perhaps there's need for healthier past times...

    perhaps there's need for healthier past times

    it seems insanity's in vogue this week...
    she refuses to be beautiful while
    i refuse to subscribe to smoke screen
    arguments that dim loves luster with slimey lust
    or to indulge in more anesthetic

    or to indulge in more anesthetic-

    the world is flat and all poetry dust
    this beautifully cynical outlook
    makes god revise the order of service
    like epiphanies plagued by long mem'ry
    at least there's honesty in ignorance

    at least there's honesty in ignorance

    paper crowns masquerading as knowledge;
    freedom's slavery by another name...
    misinterpreted message of autumn:
    promise of something lost again coming,
    how many more losses can this heart take?

    how many more losses can this heart take?

    in my faithlessness will you be faithful?
    through my confession can you absolve me?
    if i reach for the sky and it's not there
    your lies unable to comfort me now
    maybe the past doesnt hold all the answers...

    maybe the past doesnt hold all the answers;

    conversations spin on into darkness
    like moonbeams illuminating granite
    faces that find half the lies to be true:
    even psychologists of the stars know
    kids are into cutting... its the new black.




    Submitted on 2006-03-08 06:01:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This piece takes hold of something inside me that I cannot yet define. Any good writing shouldn't be digested too quickly, but should keep you thinking for a few days, maybe longer. This, my friend, is good writing.

    Here are my two favorite sections:

    answers merely elicit more questions-
    a succession of meaningless chapters
    with no plot other than killing off days


    I understand this sections more than I would like to. I struggle frequently with depression, and I can frequently go to that place of just killing off days. This is a battle that takes place at our core, and only few venture there to fight.

    she refuses to be beautiful while
    i refuse to subscribe to smoke screen
    arguments that dim loves luster with slimey lust


    This is a quote to be taken down in the history books. I absolutely love the brilliantly concise way you have captured the tarnished American concept of Beauty. Love has been redefined by smoke-screens of empty promises and shapely bodies. But Lust could never last. The problem with sin is that it never satisfies our hunger, it always leaves us wanting more.

    Thanks so much for writing this poem. You really shined in this one, and it is clear that you are an extrordinarily talented writer. I am so excited to read more from you.

    Cheers
    Tom

    | Posted on 2008-06-11 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ]
      this is absolutely nindot!

    you are so maayo.

    take care.

    and dont hesitate to write me.

    au revoir!
    | Posted on 2007-10-09 00:00:00 | by cheeno_d_luffy | [ Reply to This ]
      this is absolutely nindot!

    you are so maayo.

    take care.

    and dont hesitate to write me.

    au revoir!
    | Posted on 2007-10-09 00:00:00 | by cheeno_d_luffy | [ Reply to This ]
      this entire write was brilliant, I've seen you around so much I can't believe this is one of the first time I've checked out your writing, no worries though I see i've been missing out on a lot. I'm definatly looking forward to reading a lot more from you soon. well I could literally 'dissect' this one to the point where I could give my own meaning to every line but I'll try to avoid that and just pick out a few.
    "kids are into cutting; it's the new black
    for some the manifestation of pain
    is for others the need for attention"
    honestly I know what you were saying with this (I think) but it's not just kids...i know a lot of young adults/middle aged people who cut as well. but it's very true, I myself cut so I'll try and leave this part semi-impersonal to avoid writing for an hour, but it does seem to be more widespread now then ever.
    "but always remember: sunsets are free;
    answers merely elicit more questions-
    a succession of meaningless chapters"
    that was some beautiful thought/imagery, but I was left wondering; did you mean sunsets in the most literal sense? or did you mean sunsets as in symbolic of the ending of a day, or just the end of something in general....but then again the sunset could just mean it's part of a cycle. idk just a thought really. it does seem to be like that, one question leads to string of questions that may forever remain unanswered, it's rather depressing.
    "or to indulge in more anesthetic-
    the world is flat and all poetry dust
    this beautifully cynical outlook"
    if I had to pick a favorite part of this poem just based on the way it sounds/goes together in my mind this would probably be it.
    "at least there's honesty in ignorance
    paper crowns masquerading as knowledge;
    freedom's slavery by another name..."
    people always criticize the ignorant but; I don't think they ever considered that in ignorance, people find something to believe in....even if it's a lack of proper views or knowledge on the topic at least they think they know what they are for.
    "how many more losses can this heart take?
    in my faithlessness will you be faithful?"
    *sighs* how many times I"ve felt like this....you describe different kinds of pain that are all immenantly connected and yet you make them each seem as unique on their own, this was an amazing write, definatly going to read some more of yours
    take care,
    ~jess




    | Posted on 2006-08-15 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I read this through and then reread it again.
    Normal may we be but abnormal will we stay.

    If we look at history we can see that cutting and body mutilation goes back thousands of years. It was disguised as traditional milestones for man and woman alike.
    American Indian tribes did it to their males when they reached man hood and had to prove their manhood. They are marked by making cuts upon thir bodies with a knife.

    Tribes in Africa pierce their bodies with bone to signify certain significant times in their lives.

    This has been true for all cultures. Tats were once considered body mutilation but today it is considered body art. I have at least 10 myself and I hide them well.

    I think though that cutting has taken on a different meaning today. We don't call it a right of passage anymore. It is done as you stated in your poem to either impress or for the pain itself.

    We have changed the rules of what is acceptable and what is not.
    Kids today are so confussed as to what is right and what is wrong They end up making their own rules and then the head Doctors say they are having mental issues.

    I know a few of these kids and also adults too that are cutters. They are just as sane as you or I.

    "at least there's honesty in ignorance"

    The old saying is that ignorance is bliss and I truely believe just that. How can anyone be held accountable for be honest about knowing nothing?

    My personal take of what we call insanity today is that it is sanity and we have forgotten that we have changed the rules but didn't tell everyone.

    maybe the past doesnt hold all the answers;

    But it does if we only look at it from a teens mind. How can we expect our teens to understand the rules of society when we keep making the same mistakes that we made in the past, only each time we make them it becomes our childrens responsability to understand it. They can't because we never showed them how.

    I really enjoyed this write and I may have gotten it all wrong but this was my take on it.

    Your writes remind me of my daughters (idlewriter) write. She writes here and I know she has commented on your poems before.

    You are simular in your take on life and also in the mannerism of your poems. They are honest and truely deep.

    So, i have rambled too much again.

    Finding what makes each of us the individual we are is not the hard part of life. It is accepting that we are who we are.

    Deepest respect and Admiration

    Clyde

    | Posted on 2006-05-24 00:00:00 | by Wisdom Seeker | [ Reply to This ]
      I rather fancied this. At first the lat line/first line urked a bit, but I got into the rhythm of it and eneded up appreciating it.

    That kind of style sort of turns the piece into seperate chapters, and the italic becomes the heading. Very effective, and the last line takes you back to the first and around we go again, just like life, which is the feel I got from the statements in there.

    It felt to me as if you were stating your unwillingness to conform to the mold, and follow the masses, but rather do your own thing, despite a few misgivings abou whether there's a God running the whole show or not.

    Excellent work, I enjoyed this immensely!

    be happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2006-05-20 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      If H.P Lovecraft and Maya Angelou had a child, this is what he/she would write. Who did you say your parents were again? ;)

    Part of me wants to say that this confused me, but it really didn't. I did have a fit try to get my mind around it, because it's seemingly complex the first go around. I read it twice more, and now it's clear as dragonfly wings. But I won't spoil it for anyone :)

    You convey heartbreak in many forms. The cutting, the despair, faithless you and others alike, searching for what you cannot reach...it's all heartbreak. And you, dear, know your fair share of it.

    I'm going to look up your family history. I just Know that there's a Lovecraft/Angelou in there somewhere...

    Always,
    ~Rachel~
    | Posted on 2006-04-21 00:00:00 | by nebnim | [ Reply to This ]
      I really had to read this piece because i found the title to be rather intriguing and filled with emotions you yourself cannot really explain....

    I loved the way you have structured this....Beginning every sentence with the previous one and especially the ending sentence where you have written this in the beginning...To me it feels like a cycle that is repeating itself over and over again only with different people.

    I think you show reality from a different perspective which i haven't seen yet in any writing and that must have been from something that has happened to you...I don't know about your history but i get the vibe that this is personal....

    Still, written from the heart and soul and i won't change a thing for you have spoken the truth and i accept it....
    Hope we meet again
    Take care

    Irina
    | Posted on 2006-06-15 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      This piece seems to meander?, miander?, wander! around a bit touching on this, commenting on that. If it lacks a hard central focus, some of the lines are exquisite. Each one makes you stop... ponder... and finally, say "Yeah. You're right on with that one".

    but always remember: sunsets are free.
    Great line, simple, contemplative

    a succession of meaningless chapters
    with no plot other than killing off days

    So many people live this way, but so few take the time to notice

    she refuses to be beautiful while
    i refuse to subscribe to smoke screen

    I like both of these thought, but particularly the first. "I'm so fat", "I need a boob job", "If only I were prettier"

    Though I'm missing the central tenet (if there is one), the melancholy and loneliness scream through the entire thing.



    Steve
    | Posted on 2006-03-28 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      the whole cutting thing hasbothered quite a bit.

    it's almost as if it's a disease, but it this world we tend to use that so much as an excuse that meh....

    i wanted you to know that you're one of myinspirations for finding god. for further exploring my faith and all of the posibilities that lie within. truely you inspire me.

    this just came to my mind to say

    um the title.......is this about aperson who reminds you of yourself..only haunted by something perhaps? or am i missing it's application. i feel terrible in my disability to interpret your poems not nearly as head on as you do mine but meh. w/e.

    this seems cynical in spots...but more with a broken heart than an angry mind ifyouget what i mean.

    truely i love thispoem. it's very insightful.most of my thoughts have been expressed.

    i almost see this as a giant circle with the ending beginnings
    ithink it would be cool if the words were made into a circle, and then a picture of someone standing in the mirror witha ghost as their reflectionwould be cool. i don'tknowifthatwould fit into your meaning,but it works with how i see it.

    thanks for the fav.add

    good to see youwriting.

    later
    ryan

    oh
    ps whenam i gonna get to see youblow me awaywith myown format???? huh? huh? i'm waiting!!
    | Posted on 2006-03-18 00:00:00 | by Skillessbasterd | [ Reply to This ]
      this is great. thank you for it.
    I like it.
    this is a space filler, this is a space filler, this is a space filler, this is a space filler, this is a space filler
    | Posted on 2006-03-18 00:00:00 | by max | [ Reply to This ]
      This one is great Jaydee and I can tell it didn't grow overnight. Even the first and last lines of each strophe have a ring to their sound and meaning that carry through beautifully.

    And I don't understand either, its as though blood being shed is
    an attempt for evil to play itself out in someone. But I don't think evil is going to stop there, to me its a symbolic act that defies. Maybe it even destroys our chance to grow, by placing an form of escape that might be similar to drugs of alcohol, and escape keeps us bound to the same age and doesn't work.

    And if there is one that does, it would be love. Notice that I haven't given you any suggestions, really there aren't any.

    Superbly crafted, I wouldn't change a thing!

    Nan
    | Posted on 2006-07-17 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      I was just asking some cutters why they feel the need to feel pain to feel pleasure? So many, not just with cutting but with other means and vices. This piece delves into the power of people and the power of divinity and how "IT" gets, sometimes, jumbled up along this way - all we can do is pray for these painful feelings to find freedom - not too much pleasure & not too much pain - simply being.

    You did an EXEMPLARY job on this piece & it was very involved but not over complicated. I liked your idea with the ending/beginning (a whole conversation/piece in "IT"self - clever)


    Wonderful & very thought provoking.
    love,peace,joy&smilez 2 share friend
    tif
    | Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Good God Jaydee this is the best thing I have read on this site in recent weeks.
    I really loved the way you made the last and of one stanza and then made the same line the first in the next.


    One word comes to mind Brilliant.

    ~shawn
    | Posted on 2006-03-12 00:00:00 | by armand | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, i don't know what to say. I know you don't believe you've passed me up but do you at least accept you're catching up? I love this, i want to go to the place that made you write this, or maybe I want to come out of that place.
    | Posted on 2006-03-08 00:00:00 | by joe quinn | [ Reply to This ]
      Simply brilliant musings on detachment, loneliness and the inability of those self-proclaimed 'healers' to recognize the problem, let alone provide understanding to the lost souls among us. There's an interesting juxtaposition in the sixth and seventh stanzas; the recognition of enslavement to ill-defined powers followed by the plea for absolution and innocence lost in the growth process (which sounds as much like a plea to God as a plea to any other power). Very nicely done little mix of abstraction and straightforward bewilderment. Take care of yourself and have a good one. Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-03-08 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, that was simply exquisite. I love how one stanza leads to the next, and how it all comes back to the begining. My favorite line was "But always remember: Sunsets are free" that was beautiful beyond any doubt. As was other simple lines in this write. It was extremely well written, and I would love to know how you could get inspiration for such a peice. There is nothing that I can point out exactly that's wrong with it, except that "mem'ry" should probibly be spelled out. However, it's your peom, do with it what you wish. This IS going on my favorites though. I love it to peices.

    Forever,
    Lilithe
    | Posted on 2006-03-08 00:00:00 | by Lilithe_Aislin | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem's got some wicked enjambment. Nice... but how come you didn't italicize the first line?

    I like how the line repetition sets up the content for each stanza.

    It must have been a hell of a poem to try and write :)

    Have an awesome day :)
    | Posted on 2006-03-08 00:00:00 | by Shaqua1973 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very cool. And I must say, it was a lot better than a lot of the stuff I've read on this site. It's not just writing down your feelings and saying its a poem...this was really good poetry.

    I really liked the last lines of each stanza. Especially the one "sunsets are free". It is very true, and poetic.
    | Posted on 2006-07-22 00:00:00 | by Dylan fan | [ Reply to This ]


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