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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Firestarterdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 114
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 811
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 705



    Description:
       about my sister


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFirestarterdots
    -------------------------------------------


    she crawled inside the little place inside his heart
    and built a fire there
    when he felt that he was warm
    he threw her away
    and the fire went out
    everyone around him called him stupid
    but he had his pride to keep
    so he found a new girl
    who couldn't quite build fires like a real woman
    and therefor could only satisfy him to a certain extent
    and it really wasn't fair for the first girl
    because she kinda just wondered around life
    because she didn't really know her purpose
    and it kinda pissed her off
    because she was a fire builder
    and her talent was comlpetely wasted on him




    Submitted on 2006-03-08 10:50:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      In the second to last line you should use firestarter instead of fire builder to bring in the title more. Just my two cents. Otherwise, I have to say that i agree one of the flaws us menfolk have is stupid pride, damn that stupid stubborn pride. I believe that is the downfall of most relationships. I'm sorry you or a friend was hurt. But I suppose talents need exercise even if it hurts it'll make you stronger for next time. So look at it as a warmup for Mr. Right or Left :)
    Very nice write.
    Owlman
    | Posted on 2006-03-31 00:00:00 | by owlman23 | [ Reply to This ]
      Another good right Jaz. I really liked the line
    "she crawled inside the little place inside his heart and built a fire there" that's really descriptive and meaningful. This poem is pretty deep and emotional. Good job. Two thumbs up!
    | Posted on 2006-03-08 00:00:00 | by Draigon | [ Reply to This ]
      Great job. I love the fact that you refered her and her love... *???** to fire. I think that it was creative and was really insightful. You did a very good job ^_^
    | Posted on 2006-03-08 00:00:00 | by lost.within.you | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a clever write
    Explaining the deep love one has for others as a firestarter is clever
    I am sorry she had to be hurt in life
    But as she moves forward and uses the lessons learned from this relationship
    She will find inner peace
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-03-08 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Very pretty. I never thought about this way. My talent was wasted on him. Glad I'm not the only one who sees it. You know he actually once told me that I was soley responsible for making him better, making him able to love again. And these are the thanks I get. He goes off and loves someone else. I've been doing a lot of thinking these days. I just can't play these games anymore. Sorry for venting. This is a really beautiful poem. Why the sudden stream of writings about me?
    | Posted on 2006-03-08 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]


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