The Razor or the Roadside by Von Django

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Submission Name: The Razor or the Roadside dots

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Author:	Von Django
ASL Info:	32/M/UK
Elite Ratio:	3.79 - 119/148/32
Words:	131

Class/Type:	Poetry/Society
Total Views:	169
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	861

Description:

The Razor or the Roadside dots

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The future
Is a chic, tempting razor
Almost invisible to the naked eye
And if you step, gingerly, onto its blade
Hedging your bets on this side or that
Of sensual sharp
Then you'll be left by the roadside
Dazed and bleeding
Watching neon prophets and pioneers
Blazing a black sky chrome in their wake
But
If you ride that glossy wave
Full throttle, frothing at the mouth
Will all the media wolves in rusted sidecars
Howling and snapping for you, yes you!
That one-shot savvy crop top cane operator
With a fix for finesse and
Always an ace up your pinstripe sleeve
Just old enough to know better
Just young enough to believe
Then, my friend
You'll always be
One step ahead
Of the future

Submitted on 2006-03-08 15:15:33 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Obviously you have a bleak outlook on the future. Which I totally agree with. Superbly written, I love non-rhyming poems (the technical description escapes me at the moment). Some of your work seems to border on gothic, but thank heavens you don't venture into that realm. It was dark enough to keep me hooked, but not too dark as to say "Boo hoo me", if you get my drift. All in all, your use of the razor blade as a symbol for the future was...brilliant, elegant, simple, tasteful. Yum.
| Posted on 2006-05-26 00:00:00 | by Dipsomniac | [ Reply to This ]
  I'm sure I'm grasping your exact subject, but I love the drama in your words, particularly in the later sections.

The word "But" stops us in our tracks and then we're led faster and faster toward the end of the poem. Somehow, you've really captured what this would sound like in a high quality reading.

Nicely done

Steve
| Posted on 2006-03-27 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
  I gather from this it is the one who lives dangerously that will advance, the one who take chances. I'm not all clear on what you meant by any of this, but I think you did have some great lines here and there that let a reader ipmply what they gleam from this. I think your imagery was good. I just wish for more clarification of this. Overall, very nice.

Maggie
| Posted on 2006-03-08 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
  i like the ending...the otomtopea (thats spelled wroung sry) was great i was like woah..the word blazing is cool to really helped it good choice...hmm not much else to say im gonna rate it

Rymes 8/10
cool words 8/10
flow 8/10
paters ect 9/10
orginality 7.9/10
creativity 9/10
overall 8.4/10

Trevor...~
| Posted on 2006-03-08 00:00:00 | by goomaster03 | [ Reply to This ]
  Very vivid write, but enjoyable... only truth and no lies in this one, absolutely amazing made me feel like i was missing something all this time... "That one-shot savvy crop top cane operator
With a fix for finesse and
Always an ace up your pinstripe sleeve
Just old enough to know better
Just young enough to believe" that was my favorite part... keep up the good work!
| Posted on 2006-03-08 00:00:00 | by Mepo | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked it! Might not fully understand it or grasp the depths of it truth in some parts but it was quite an enjoyable thing to read. Reminds me of a line in a song that goes "Nothing touches me, I'm a walking razorblade"
I enjoy the straight and narrow...its more of a challenge than the wide open spaces, ya know?
| Posted on 2006-03-08 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]

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