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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Poem Without a Titledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Toxic_Rayne
    ASL Info:    18/f/a happier place
    Elite Ratio:    4.7 - 1314/1095/162
    Words: 345
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 1703
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2460



    Description:
        Please, don't be too harsh, personally I think it sucks and is choppy cuz I was in an emotional state while writing, and I've been writing this for a week people. lol, so read and tell me what you think.

    Sorry it's long, lol


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Poem Without a Titledots
    -------------------------------------------


    Whispers all around
    Noise without a sound
    Going off the deep end
    I cannot seem to mend
    These broken hearts
    And up-side-down smiles
    I'm going under once again

    Every damn day is
    Just the same thing
    Punctured lungs deflated
    From the lonely song I sing
    Find your scapegoat,
    But only if you must,
    For the reasons of my anger
    The cause I cannot trust

    Must you always have a victim
    For the rose without a stem
    Must you always find a patchwork
    Sewed from a broken jem
    Those we thought knew better
    Wrote us our suicide letter
    Trying to lay blame
    For his Time Magazine fame

    It's a teen-bloodlust
    Nailed inside ours minds
    From a lacking of trust
    Drowning in a world
    Of morbid alienation
    Sinking in a pit
    Of tortured isolation

    They killed us on their T.V.
    Only because we weren't
    What we're supposed to be

    It's causing an internal rust
    Eating away my soul
    Light your fire
    I'll give you my coal
    These empty school halls
    Are like a Hell in which I roam
    Times like this I"m forced to think
    "There's no place like home"

    So much hatred inside
    Burning my mind
    Twisting my thoughts
    Like the deadly Columbine
    I guess there's just
    Too much violence on T.V.
    I guess that's what
    Happened to me
    God have mercy
    If I just watched Pulp Fiction
    I refuse to apoligize
    Cause you can't handle the friction

    One day, if so filled with hate
    When the value of life
    I won't appreciate
    I'll make you all sorry
    For the fucking shit
    You put me through
    And then I'll laugh in your face
    "It's all because of you"

    Specks of blood and
    Remnants of spew
    Nothing will be left
    But the cursed scar of you

    Supposedly this lack
    Of parental involvement
    Is bleeding the poison
    Of a toxic solvent
    Your words and insults
    Have made me who I am
    But trust me, you'll pay
    And I won't give a damn








    Submitted on 2006-03-08 18:18:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      the whispers all around are the psyco voices in your head toxic
    | Posted on 2006-06-15 00:00:00 | by supergirl_in_oh | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm...i disagree with you this does not suck at all!!..it was really good..and TV i hate, it ruins lives..it sucks..all it does is show ppl what stupidity and tragedy the world is going through....anyhows i really liked this piece a lot..the description and emotion was flawless...i like the lengths of your poems..a lot but all worth while..lovely..keep up the great work!! ^_^

    --Lucy--
    | Posted on 2006-04-09 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ]
      Deep...those are the kinds of details I want to see. -tear- I loved it. I can totally feel the intensity in this peice. I'm sorry but I can't find anything to critique you about.
    | Posted on 2006-03-16 00:00:00 | by Miss Mihu | [ Reply to This ]
      oh this is so sad and depressed and spasticated I like it alot it had emotion and a story and a way in which it would not let me stop reading it the whole thing flows really well and has good breaks in the stanzas I hope that some day you will forgive your parents coz nomatter how [censored]ed up they seem they really do love you even if they suck at showing it
    | Posted on 2006-03-11 00:00:00 | by Animus Custodis | [ Reply to This ]
      This was good, i like the way you speak out against the media without [censored]ing about it. It sounds a lot more like you're telling the truth instead of just complaining about something you dont like. This was good but not as good as your other ones. The rhyming scheme kinda confused me a little but its not that bad. there also were some misspellings, but nothing too bad. Overall this was a good poem with a few little things that need tweaking.
    | Posted on 2006-03-11 00:00:00 | by Faith_Disease | [ Reply to This ]
      This was long but all worth it the flow was amazing. I like the message behind this a great topic to write about bringing a major cause for the degeneration of society today a truely hardhitting piece. well done.

    Kuddos,
    Jermaine.
    | Posted on 2006-03-09 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      damn girl, you got skill, i don't belive you'r 14, and if you are, DAMN! I know this all too well. Hope you aint readin this in juevie or somthin' like that, but look i know easier said than done, but it's not what they say that matters in the end, it's how you use it to be whomever you are. [censored] the world! and die in peece
    | Posted on 2006-03-11 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]
      Well well well...Is this toward parents? cuz thats what I'm getting at. Anywho, lovely choice of rhyming, and might I say, allusions and imagery, very good indeed. I don't know if you purposely meant to say "Burning my minds" but if you did, I love it. This may seem strange, but I believe in having more than one mind, at least mindset, or maybe an ego or personality if you will. Overall, this was intriguing and I'm surprised this kind of write came from a 14 year old, even though it's very 'teenie bopper angst.' Your choice of wording and vocabulary would have told me otherwise if your age wasn't visible in your info up there. Great job, and keep it up.

    Desser
    | Posted on 2006-03-08 00:00:00 | by Desser | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem was interesting and insightful. I like the "upside-down smile" its an interesting way to put it. I love your writing style. This poem is awfully long but its worth reading! Great job!
    | Posted on 2006-03-08 00:00:00 | by secretsuperstar | [ Reply to This ]
      ya know this one caught me as a towards-anyone write...and that's ok sometimes. The points you were making were very good and the imagry/wording was pretty good as well. I didn't think this one was "teenie bopper angst" haha. but anyway I think that the biggest problem you had here was that you wrote it over a failry long period of time and may have had slightly different emotional states...and judging by ur one forum topic I say there was a fair deal of sarcasm too...overall OK write, it wasn't horrible but I've seen better from u.
    peace
    | Posted on 2006-03-08 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      Once again you fail to dissapoint me. I love what you have to say and think its a good reminder of what media is turning us into, The media puts ideas and feelings in our minds that were never supposed to be there and were'nt there thirty years ago for our parents, But what the hell do they care if a 6 yr. old girl realizes that stabbing someone is alright, its true, i Frickin blame the media(T.V., Radio, Magazines, etc.) but what the F#$K do they care, great job putting that into words so perfectly. my favorite line:

    Supposedly this lack
    Of parental involvement
    Is bleeding the poison
    Of a toxic solvent
    Your words and insults
    Have made me who I am
    But trust me, you'll pay
    And I won't give a damn

    its F#$&ing awesome i need to just memorize this one. keep them coming and dont run out of ideas!

    Yours Truly
    Harmageddon
    | Posted on 2006-03-08 00:00:00 | by Harmageddon | [ Reply to This ]
      Specks of blood and
    Remnants of spew
    Nothing will be left
    But the cursed scar of you

    This line is so good, I had to read it a couple times and even read it out loud to my friend. It amazes me the way you pulled all your thoughts into one poem. I can understand exactly what you are saying in this too, I am 15 and I guess I see the world different than most people and it's nice to see that there are people my age that are understanding things more than some 40 yr olds. I am amazed , great job.
    | Posted on 2006-03-08 00:00:00 | by luckyms20 | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice toxic nice write. Not bad for in an emotional state when you wrote this. Well to me I think thats how you should always write. Poems I think should be baced off of pure emotion. Next time you are in a trend like that try to write a pure free verse poem. You will see the emotion flows alot smoother
    | Posted on 2006-03-11 00:00:00 | by Evil Jesture | [ Reply to This ]


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    94258

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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