Broken Hearts and Abrasions by Lilithe

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: Broken Hearts and Abrasions dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	Lilithe_Aislin
ASL Info:	20/F/OH
Elite Ratio:	5.19 - 79/67/15
Words:	149

Class/Type:	Poetry/
Total Views:	355
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	960

Description:
I like the idea of this one but it needs A LOT of work I think. So I need many suggestions

Broken Hearts and Abrasions dots

-------------------------------------------

Broken hearts hurt worse than abrasions
This is a point I can argue
The feeling you get when they turn away
And walk into the arms of another
But wounds heal
Scars fade
And the pain goes away

Another day, another game
This is something I can’t stand
Always the same touch and go
That leaves me searching for answers
But wounds heal
Scars fade
And the pain goes away

Loneliness hurts less than deception
This is a sad truth
The feeling you get when they give you hope
And take it the next day
But wounds heal
Scars fade
And the pain goes away

Present day, present time
This is something I adore
Always a chance to make the right decisions
That allows me to try again
Because now my wounds have healed
My scars have faded
And my pain has gone away

Submitted on 2006-03-09 07:46:36 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Well, I was trying to come up with a helpful suggestion, but I have none. I wouldn't change anything. I love it.
I normally hate happy endings because they're not realistic to me, but this one's different. I can actually feel the honesty, which is fantastic.

And the repetition of:

"But wounds heal
Scars fade
And the pain goes away"

works perfectly.

It made me sad, but that made me like it even more.

The line, "Loneliness hurts less than deception" couldn't be more true. Lonliness is not nearly as bad as some people try to make it sound. I'd much rather be alone.

Sorry this comment isn't exactly helpful, but compliments are all I can give you.

Beautifully done.

-nikkki
| Posted on 2007-11-28 00:00:00 | by Razor2TheRosary | [ Reply to This ]
  I think permanent or long-term physical problems are worse then emotional because physical problems fu-ck up your life. You can't live they way you really want to. You can only live in your mind or through stuff you create.

Lost loves seem so trivial to me now. With times and years gone by, it doesn't matter anymore.

It's good to hear you're over your pain.]

My only suggestion is that I would try not to start too many if any lines with- that, this, or the. Sometimes it's good not to start too many with- but either,unless of course there's a specifc reason- for purposeful repetition...
| Posted on 2006-03-09 00:00:00 | by fo | [ Reply to This ]
  it seems like you could make this one into a song...with the repetition of

"But wounds heal
Scars fade
And the pain goes away"

i thought this was pretty good.
from what i got from it was...well you were with someone and then they left you for someone else?? is that right?
i know that feeling. and you are right it doesnt feel very good.

when you say
"But wounds heal
Scars fade
And the pain goes away"

do you mean the wounds and the scars and the pain from the love loss? or are you talking about physical wounds scars and pain?
if you are talking about physical pain...i would have to agree with you. physical pain is much easier dealt with than emotional pain. you have a pysical hurt, a physical manifestation of pain and you know what to do with it.
if you have a cut. put neosporin on it and put a bandaide on it. and so on and so forth. but if you have emotional pain it probably takes a lot longer to heal and its a lot harder to deal with. hmmm i thought this was a good write. i enjoyed it.

thanks for sharing
| Posted on 2006-03-09 00:00:00 | by vintagepepper | [ Reply to This ]
  sometimes its hard to find "happy poems" and you have managed to take glommy subjects and show the light at the end of the road. the second stanza confuses me, im not sure what your talking about, is the "touch and go" linked to the first stanza's "broken heart"? overall for the most part I like your ideas, but think that too much thinking got involved, and made the words flow less, do you know what i mean? For example, i particulary like the 3rd stanza, the first 4 lines. the thought behind your words are clear, but the way its worded causes a person a first read to come out with, "huh?" same thing with the 4th stanza, great thoughts though, i would love to read more of your poems, I could give you a version of how I would write the poem, if you want, send me a pm.

Until we write again,
~ink~
| Posted on 2006-03-09 00:00:00 | by inkonspikuous | [ Reply to This ]

Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

[ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
[ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]

This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.