Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Why'd It Have To Be...?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 170
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1026
    Average Vote:    3.0000
    Bytes: 986



    Description:
       I was very sad the other night, and just sat there thinking, why couldn't it have been someone else?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhy'd It Have To Be...?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    You said I was the first
    The only woman you'd given your heart to
    And I took you at your word
    I gave everything to you
    We talked until there were no words left
    And I fell asleep in your arms
    You gave me a sense of belonging that night
    I knew you would keep me from harm
    We made love for the very first time
    You said it had never felt that way
    I looked into your shining eyes
    And I had no words to say
    I did everything that I could do
    To give you what you wanted
    I fought wars that had no meaning
    I made mistakes by which I'm haunted
    You wanted me to have your child
    We made a home together
    I tasted happiness for the very first time
    I thought it would last forever.
    As suddenly as it began, it was over
    Caused by something only you could see
    All I have left is a question never answered
    Why'd it have to be me?




    Submitted on 2006-03-09 08:42:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      If you reverse some of the parts to making the character male, I can say I've been in the situation once and it sucked at the end. So this one touches a bit of soft spot.

    It's good, and the lines, "I fought wars that had no meaning/I made mistakes by which I'm haunted", if I can't connect directly with anything else in this poem, I can at least with these two lines. And I don't really think I need to go on, as this is excellently written as it is and doesn't require a lot of interpretation, it simply requires more empathizing than anything.
    | Posted on 2006-03-19 00:00:00 | by Sir Jimeth | [ Reply to This ]
      wow yet another great write this one is what i'm expecting wiv the guy i'm with @ the moment and if we do break up i know its gonna be sop hard to let him go easy coz he's given me somthing that i can't have without him been here get me?lol nah didn't think so... I KNOW WHAT I MEANT! lol anyway take care
    Izzi XxX
    P.S. another faves addition lol
    | Posted on 2006-03-09 00:00:00 | by fallen_angel384 | [ Reply to This ]
      We talked until there were no words left

    THis line just blew me away. I love it and I think that it completely makes the poem GREAT...again, I could see all this in my head. I remember me and Eric in one room and you and Tony in another. I can't decide if I was happy then or not; I feel so strange about Tony, I think I hate him.
    | Posted on 2006-03-09 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh, I'm so sorry for you. This was a good write, from the soul. I think you should give it to him...
    I'm think that this is definately going to be a favorite and I don't have that many, so count yourself lucky. No, I'm just kidding, but this really was a deep, and meaning write. Good job and please keep writing.
    | Posted on 2006-03-09 00:00:00 | by RockerRomeo | [ Reply to This ]
      Very emotional and sad. It was like the rugged was snatch from under the person's feet here in this poem. I liked the free verse of this and the flow of it. I think you did a great job writing this.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-03-09 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    94321

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Push written by JanePlane
    Bond written by saartha
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    To written by SavedDragon
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Chelebel
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Wavelength written by saartha

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry