Description: I wrote these lyrics more than a year ago, I was in a kind of band back then. I never finished them, but it sounds really good in my head. Maybe i'll finish them some later, but I don't have a clue actually how to write lyrics. I had never done it before and haven't done it after this one either.
This band I was in never made it to one performance and we quit with it 2 months after beginning it. lol..
I forgot to tell what it's about.. Well, it's the story of losing a friend, because you made a mistake, or something like that. I don't know the real details anymore, because it's so long ago
Enjoy.. or don't..
I just remembered that I owed you a comment. I had read a few weeks back but didn't have time to write down a comment for it. I liked the basic idea on which you based this, and how you balanced a confession and apology well. I liked the abruptness of this song. I am not sure if this qualifies as a song though; not too into music, but a little modification and this would be a great poem. Overall, problems with the flow, but something many can relate to. Enjoyed reading it on the whole. Thanks for sharing,
Interesting point to say the less. Though it maybe incomplete I think that adds a certain uniqueness about it. But you know what would be really great about this. Hearing it being performed.
This write is unique in its self-analytical tone. I feel the work needs some completion (you mention a "Verse 2") which I hope you intend to achieve soon. The verses were clear, and the chorus was sopt-on. Well done on an excellent piece.
Its a great start, I definately think you should expand on it. I think that you should keep writing, and perhaps try to develop it more. Good write, but I think you should try to introduce something new, not keep repeating what you have already told us... Keep it up, good luck! Jenn @>-
this is really great and it expressed feelings well i think its more of an asking for forgivness poem than anything tho but its still really great how you put it together were you put verse 2... that does mean your making another part to it right? if you are please msg me and let me know so that i can carry on reading lol obviously... hehe anyways take care izzi xxx
This is the start to a song I really believe can be powerful I noticed you stopped at verse 2 without any more lyrics Hopefully that means you plan to add to this This sentiment really bleeds thru this write As we all have lost someone dear to us one way or another I will certainly be looking for more writes from you God Bless Ron
Hhhhmmm. I think that this needs alot of work to become a song. I feel that you did not give enough info or lyrics to make a clear critique of this. What you did give, had no real flow or melody to string along with. And the lyrics made no real sense to me. Alot of work to do to make this into a song my dear. lol.
i like this, its like a confession and thats cool. i think that its more of a asking for forgiveness from one person thing, but i may be wrong. but i think the poem flows better from that point of view. or maybe you said that in the description...idk. but this was great. take care now.
Submission Name: Mistake
