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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Undead Regretsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Linkins_knot
    ASL Info:    14/Male/Behind a Computer
    Elite Ratio:    2.12 - 20/46/19
    Words: 322
    Class/Type: Poetry/Happy
    Total Views: 183
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1936



    Description:
       I'm not a devil worshiper or any of that kind of stuff... saying this because i was happy when i made this...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUndead Regretsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Part IV. Past Regrets

    ”Everyone has backstabbing friends
    Some who will never be with you in the end
    Here’s a poem for them
    This time we, the tortured, win”

    You were never the way
    You had me fooled all the way
    You had me suffer all this time
    You stabbed, pierced me will all your lie
    You must stay away
    You cannot make all the pain go away
    You know you never had a chance to hang out with me
    You must let all those victims be free
    You were never worthy in my mind of mine
    You just listen and keep your selfish thoughts in mind

    Its time to say bye-bye
    Hopefully tonight you heard a lullaby
    I know you wont get any beauty sleep tonight
    Because I’m watching you for the rest of the night
    I will start chanting a spell
    And its not going to be pleasing for you, but oh well
    It releases your fears to come alive
    Your unlucky your terror didn’t lead me to another life
    Now its your turn
    To feel all your demonic suffering and burn

    I hope your ready to play
    Because you’re going to play anyway
    I’m not gonna to kill you
    I’m just going to pretend you’re a Jew
    Lets travel back to the holocaust
    This is one of the times where you lost
    Maybe a couple of pokes and stabs
    Now we’re the ones with the last laugh

    No
    I’m not finished with you
    You must know I wasn’t through
    Now I have to leave
    This wasn’t really hard to believe
    I hope you had enough
    Because you weren’t very tough
    Ooh, one more game
    Do you know the name of this game?
    Lets play charades, right, its a Cougar
    Oh that reminds me, Freddie Krueger
    Maybe you will get some sleep tonight
    Just make sure you know how to fight…




    Submitted on 2006-03-09 15:07:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Hey great poem. Just two things that caught my eye, and I usually don't correct peoples writings cause mine are usually worded weird themself but the one was already stated with

    "you were never worthy in my mind of mine"

    the othere I would have changed was

    "You stabbed, peirced me with all your lie"

    I would just change that to lies because it is implying plural and it doesn't change the ryming that much.

    Other than that though, good job.
    | Posted on 2006-03-30 00:00:00 | by Euphoria | [ Reply to This ]
      hey u! im bak again!! this is good! its a fav! theres no particular rhythm to this but i think thats wat makes it more creative in a way! good joB!
    ~akaila~
    | Posted on 2006-03-26 00:00:00 | by iluvpoetry_1 | [ Reply to This ]
      kick some ass man.. this was good. i know exactly what youre saying. i liked the freddy part at the end.. creative.

    peace.
    | Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by EEKS | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked this piece...it had a pretty good flow..the rhythym seeped in and out..but it was great..theres only one part i didn't get :

    "You were never worthy in my mind of mine"

    I just thought it broke the flow atleast for me..suggestion might be to put :

    "you were never worthy of this mind of mine"

    That will still rhyme with the line after and it has a bit more flow to me..

    But anyhows i loved this piece the ending was great..the last line caught me..i wanted to read more..i'm not so sure this really qualifies as a "HAPPY" poem but maybe to you it might..it did a have a unrealistic humorous under theme i guess..anywho i loved it..it was interesting..keep up the great work!
    -Lucy-
    | Posted on 2006-03-11 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow that whole thing about charades was kinda perplexing but poignant. I liked the flow even if it breaks, i cant hear your rhythym in this which doesnt mean it doesnt flow it just means this particular entry might have its own song style of writting,...i like it
    | Posted on 2006-03-09 00:00:00 | by goveiac | [ Reply to This ]



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