[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Before I Ate Your Plumsdots

    Author: Black Rock Tractor
    Elite Ratio:    3.78 - 555/824/140
    Words: 44
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1378
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 264


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBefore I Ate Your Plumsdots

    I awoke on the right side
    Of the bed this morning
    But over on the left
    Lay something better.
    The room seemed cold,
    And the bed a little smaller,
    But I kissed you, My Dear,
    As I pulled up your cover.

    Submitted on 2004-05-03 19:57:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Eggs are laid, women are laid. You actually need the form "lay" here in your poem as the past tense of "lie", i to be prone or supine next to you. God knows what her plums were that you ate. Here in Gondwanaland we have melons.
    | Posted on 2005-02-06 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
      The 1st stanza is very cool. I really like the sentiment in the second stanza, but I think you should do more. The 1st line of the second stanza I believe should stay. Also maybe add a 3rd stanza. Just a thought.
    | Posted on 2004-05-03 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]
      I love it, but the rhyming lost me, none at the beginnning, a little at the end, kinda wierd, but it makes the poem unique, so it's all good. Rock on.
    | Posted on 2004-05-03 00:00:00 | by bloodwing | [ Reply to This ]
      i can definitely see why you say that william carlos williams inspires you.. i'll probably be looking through your older poems when i'm at work.. there's a lot to go through :)
    thanks for pointing this one out to me.. definitely a favourite.. this style needs nothing more- it is perfect in of itself.
    | Posted on 2004-07-16 00:00:00 | by girlinthephoto | [ Reply to This ]
      Sorry to be negative… I think this is clever, and A Good Poem, but it doesn't touch me… Maybe because it seems like you know you are being clever… However, I always find your work intriguing. Becky
    | Posted on 2004-07-16 00:00:00 | by SugarMouse | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh, man, that sounded cold… I meant that to be a compliment there… I really DO find your work intriguing. I'm not trying be condescending. Becky
    | Posted on 2004-07-16 00:00:00 | by SugarMouse | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Your Lover written by Cordell
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Wavelength written by saartha
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Fasade written by jackz
    AI written by poetotoe
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Push written by JanePlane
    written by Daniel Barlow
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Linger written by saartha




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]