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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Before I Ate Your Plumsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Black Rock Tractor
    Elite Ratio:    3.78 - 555/824/140
    Words: 44
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1410
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 264



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBefore I Ate Your Plumsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I awoke on the right side
    Of the bed this morning
    But over on the left
    Lay something better.
    The room seemed cold,
    And the bed a little smaller,
    But I kissed you, My Dear,
    As I pulled up your cover.





    Submitted on 2004-05-03 19:57:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    1: >_<
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    ||| Comments |||
      Eggs are laid, women are laid. You actually need the form "lay" here in your poem as the past tense of "lie", i to be prone or supine next to you. God knows what her plums were that you ate. Here in Gondwanaland we have melons.
    | Posted on 2005-02-06 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
      The 1st stanza is very cool. I really like the sentiment in the second stanza, but I think you should do more. The 1st line of the second stanza I believe should stay. Also maybe add a 3rd stanza. Just a thought.
    | Posted on 2004-05-03 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]
      I love it, but the rhyming lost me, none at the beginnning, a little at the end, kinda wierd, but it makes the poem unique, so it's all good. Rock on.
    Wearily
    ~Darin~
    | Posted on 2004-05-03 00:00:00 | by bloodwing | [ Reply to This ]
      i can definitely see why you say that william carlos williams inspires you.. i'll probably be looking through your older poems when i'm at work.. there's a lot to go through :)
    thanks for pointing this one out to me.. definitely a favourite.. this style needs nothing more- it is perfect in of itself.
    | Posted on 2004-07-16 00:00:00 | by girlinthephoto | [ Reply to This ]
      Sorry to be negative… I think this is clever, and A Good Poem, but it doesn't touch me… Maybe because it seems like you know you are being clever… However, I always find your work intriguing. Becky
    | Posted on 2004-07-16 00:00:00 | by SugarMouse | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh, man, that sounded cold… I meant that to be a compliment there… I really DO find your work intriguing. I'm not trying be condescending. Becky
    | Posted on 2004-07-16 00:00:00 | by SugarMouse | [ Reply to This ]


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