Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Before I Ate Your Plumsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Black Rock Tractor
    Elite Ratio:    3.78 - 555/824/140
    Words: 44
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1345
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 264



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBefore I Ate Your Plumsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I awoke on the right side
    Of the bed this morning
    But over on the left
    Lay something better.
    The room seemed cold,
    And the bed a little smaller,
    But I kissed you, My Dear,
    As I pulled up your cover.





    Submitted on 2004-05-03 19:57:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Eggs are laid, women are laid. You actually need the form "lay" here in your poem as the past tense of "lie", i to be prone or supine next to you. God knows what her plums were that you ate. Here in Gondwanaland we have melons.
    | Posted on 2005-02-06 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
      The 1st stanza is very cool. I really like the sentiment in the second stanza, but I think you should do more. The 1st line of the second stanza I believe should stay. Also maybe add a 3rd stanza. Just a thought.
    | Posted on 2004-05-03 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]
      I love it, but the rhyming lost me, none at the beginnning, a little at the end, kinda wierd, but it makes the poem unique, so it's all good. Rock on.
    Wearily
    ~Darin~
    | Posted on 2004-05-03 00:00:00 | by bloodwing | [ Reply to This ]
      i can definitely see why you say that william carlos williams inspires you.. i'll probably be looking through your older poems when i'm at work.. there's a lot to go through :)
    thanks for pointing this one out to me.. definitely a favourite.. this style needs nothing more- it is perfect in of itself.
    | Posted on 2004-07-16 00:00:00 | by girlinthephoto | [ Reply to This ]
      Sorry to be negative… I think this is clever, and A Good Poem, but it doesn't touch me… Maybe because it seems like you know you are being clever… However, I always find your work intriguing. Becky
    | Posted on 2004-07-16 00:00:00 | by SugarMouse | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh, man, that sounded cold… I meant that to be a compliment there… I really DO find your work intriguing. I'm not trying be condescending. Becky
    | Posted on 2004-07-16 00:00:00 | by SugarMouse | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    9441

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    The World written by jjd
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Starseed written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry