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    dots Submission Name: Lost Soulsdots

    Author: krs3332003
    Elite Ratio:    6.49 - 145/114/65
    Words: 172
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1110
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1208

       I wrote this poem while watching the sunset over a group of trees. At the time, the trees seemed to almost become "sad" as the sun was setting. I thought for a moment - what if the trees didn't know that the sun would rise again in the morning?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLost Soulsdots

    A quiet haze settles all around
    She bids the day good-bye
    Rose-colored shades so silently bound
    The hopes of sunlight soon subside

    It gently fades to purple hue
    She glances at them with a smile
    A warm caress that passes through
    The lost souls beg her reconcile

    Then darkness falls upon her face
    She tempts them further no more
    Their outreached hands try to embrace
    Fallen eyes sustained to ignore

    From distant plains of woven night
    They gather to weep her demise
    Stolen from fears without the light
    Love has vanished they surmise

    In absent corners of candid fate
    Midnight's echo fills the mist
    Blankets of reason, a moment too late
    Hours like ages desperately insist

    Forbidden thoughts of anxious desire
    Beckoning hearts from passions within
    Enough it would seem to not inspire
    Torrid senses that never begin

    The heavens relume upon her awaken
    Soft-spoken words bid them farewell
    Shadows recede, confused and mistaken
    Cast forever from love's absent spell

    Submitted on 2006-03-09 19:11:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this was really cool and i really enjoyed reading it. i think it's really cool how you derived that from seeing the sunset over the trees. and the effect was abstract and easy to get into.
    | Posted on 2006-03-09 00:00:00 | by only_a_dreamX | [ Reply to This ]
      You certainly got the "sad" feeling in there. It reads fairly smoothly, and begs to be almost whispered when reading aloud.

    A couple of the rhymes seem a tad forced, but nothing too harsh, overall, very well done, a tragic story of lost love, dark shadows of night, and dreams. Relume is a great word.
    Just one thing, I feel you meant "quiet" in the first line. You can edit your poems after posting by clicking edit/delete then bring up ythe poem and click edit.

    Very nice indeed.

    be happy

    | Posted on 2006-03-10 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]

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