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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: She Triesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 140
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 494
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 862



    Description:
       Just one of my moods. Very sad right now.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsShe Triesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Her hands shaking, she tries so hard
    To make sense of the tears in her eyes
    She's tired of feeling the way that she does
    She's tired of living a lie.
    Her legs aching, she runs
    And she hides beneath a shadow of doubt
    Where in the plan was it written
    That her world would turn inside out?
    Her eyes burning, she closes them
    Hoping they'll never open again
    Is there any point in waiting to see
    If his touch will ignite her skin?
    Her skin crawls and she hopes
    That this torture will be over soon
    She can't help but relive all the memories
    When she gazes at the moon
    Her hands shaking, she tries
    To make sense of the tears in her eyes
    She's weary of living the way that she does
    She finally says her goodbyes.




    Submitted on 2006-03-09 19:18:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This poem really paints the picture of quite a sad and depressive life. Someone clinging on the edge of life yet hoping desperately for things to change and for her to live in a world where she can be happy. This is a subject that is very common and many people can relate to feeling that way. The poem is what it is and nothing more and nothing less but says all it really needs to say. Nicely done.

    Eddie
    | Posted on 2006-04-04 00:00:00 | by ERA | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem is very sad... I like that it's not "I" it's "She"... it seems like we're watching a movie and there's a hurt young woman running through the streets trying to find some place quiet and calm away from the neon lights and raving streets to sit and mourn in peace. I like this one a lot... but the ending leaves me very sad... I don't want this girl to die. She's strong... she can make it... no need for good-byes... maybe a see you later... but no good-byes.

    -x- Candie
    | Posted on 2006-03-24 00:00:00 | by teenage_dirtbag | [ Reply to This ]
      I had this vision of a girl sobbing in a corner, trying to make a decision... struggling... Thinking of when and where in her life that she lost track of herself. And then at the end she makes a decision. *wave* Very nice poem.
    | Posted on 2006-03-10 00:00:00 | by unREMb | [ Reply to This ]
      Fantastic write! When I was reading it I had this mental image of a girl dressed in black running through the woods looking up at the moon. Your piece just creates such a suberb vision as you read it.
    I especially liked: "Where in the plan was it written
    That her world would turn inside out?" you never really know how life's gonna turn out.

    The only thing is that I'm not sure exactly why the things in the poem are happening, but I guess that also adds to the abstractness of the poem too.
    Keep up the good work!
    -Jess
    | Posted on 2006-03-09 00:00:00 | by Caiss Prejent | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh, this is so desperate. I really like the way you've used the same words to give this a kind of breathless feel, as if the same thoughts are going through over and over until that final decision is made.

    This can be applied to feelings that so many people have. Well done.
    | Posted on 2006-03-09 00:00:00 | by Fantastic Freya | [ Reply to This ]
      oooooooooooo- now that made my soul ignite- the power of words you etched into peoples minds its just opens a new light to the world i thought i knew... wow... good write and great work... i will be reading more from u,

    that is a promise!

    Peace out

    me :) xx
    | Posted on 2006-03-09 00:00:00 | by MysterydarkPoet | [ Reply to This ]
      That last line sort of gives this a "suicide note" setting. But I can also see how it sort of says that she's tired of living tied down and she's saying "goodbye" to all the ropes and the person that bound her in them. I'm sorry if I've hit the hammer far from the nail but that's what I got out of this poem. Despite all of your sad poems...it's hard for me to see you sad. You always seem real mellow and happy when I'm around. I'm sure that good times takes away those memories but I'm also sure that the pain hurts worse when you see Tony or when you're alone. I'm here for you whenever you need to talk and [censored]. I'm sure that you probably don't think I can help or that I would understand but I've been through more than you know and I'm not such a "normal" careless teen.

    Great poem! :)
    | Posted on 2006-03-10 00:00:00 | by bleeding-soul | [ Reply to This ]


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