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Chrysalis Waking

Author: Car va g o
ASL Info:    35/M/NY
Elite Ratio:    7.84 - 180 /185 /45
Words: 158
Class/Type: Poetry /Passion
Total Views: 1317
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1249


I was reading laura Nyro write about inspiration when this poem came out of me about the same subject.

Chrysalis Waking


Its like fingers in the socket
the singed touch drinking electric juice
until quiet takes the city
in a wave of blackness;


It's like bathing in the sun
eyes full of light,
poised at the source
one with the fire;


It is a naked home coming,
stripped from the world
like a ship its barnacles,
into the port of welcome.


Settled like a seed in a bed of earth
nursed by a misty trickle
until you burst green
from a shell stretching towoards the sky.


Look beyond white walls
to open horizons
beneath shimmering waves
Where corals teem


See you what substance remains
Cup it like dessert rain
Drink it soft like ambrosia
It will keep you till your last days

Submitted on 2006-03-09 20:23:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  drinking ambrosia...
my goodness.

when you said on my page earlier that they call you some kind of poet... i have no idea why you doubt yourself for a second.
i have always been a fan of your work but never/rarely brave enough to comment because you are just so... wow.

your imagery is like nothing ive encountered before. there are a fistfull of people on this site who intimidate me. not their person but their writing is what leaves me unable to speak. i just... i get paralysed when i read their stuff and you are one of them.

this piece is delicious.
if this was written to inspire id have to say it has done what it set out to do.

i like the form you have employed for this piece. the way you have those words stand alone kinda like titles for each thought but more like a progression of the cycle of life in my eyes... it truely is beautiful and it isnt until i read this piece that realised that life works in this way...

your imagery is very tender and scrumptious. there is no use of fear to inspire but rather beauty and oneness and a dream like state that rolls throughout the words and ideas...

i love it.
the fingers in the socket. never a good idea and yet it seems to be one children are drawn to without any demonstration of it before... its almost an instinctive action that most try to perform... and parents say no but that makes them want to do it more...
but the shock of being alive.
the revelation that live is all around us and that we need to wake up to it. sometimes waking up can be a harsh experience... like when your dreaming youre falling... ever had that one? and you wake up and sit bolt up-right and wonder what the hell is going on...

i read this and my heart simply said yes...
the sun... if that is not exaltant then i dont know what is... the way everything is drawn to the sun... the way faces turn to face the sun... the way sun god/dess worship seems to run through many cultures in some form...
when the sun is shining upon you when you wake it makes it easier to face the day...

cleansing... everyone/thing needs to be cleansed from time to time from all the gunk and grim that builds up from walking through lifes trials and mishaps and nonsense.
but its easier said than done right...? to clean the barnacles off a ship is a killer task unless you have the right tools... to unclutter and de-junk your life takes effort and commitment and some kind of promise that you will be better off for doing so...

until you burst green
i have to say this line here jumped out and grabbed me! i remeber when i was 13 in science at school and how we were all given a seed and we had to try grow it so we just put it in some soil and well... nothing happened.
but then we were given another seed and we snipped the lil corner off it and planted it and it germinated and grew... thats what this 'until you burst green' makes me think... of a seed that is growing out of the safety of its enclosure and is surprised to find what it is becoming whether it is a tree or some kind of plant or what...
there is purity in becoming something and realising that it is more than you thought... of realising that you can be more than you ever dreamed possible...

your clarity is beautifully created.
i can see the crystal clear waters off some lovely coast where one can snorkel and sunbath and adventure... the kinda place love and memories are made...
clairty when you realise there is more to what you thought there was... when you break free of the confines/walls and live for so much more...

drinking it in in this world full of nonsense and insanity... easier said than done but you need something to keep you grounded... right...?

a chrysalis is a protected stage of development... when you are cocooned safely while becoming all you can be... caterpillar to butterfly... its a learning time as well as a developmental time.
and if we can embrace the ideas you have brought forth in this piece and apply them to ourselves... if we can find clarity and sanity and purity and exaltation and all the rest then we will add an extra colour to our wings... an extra facet to our character making us beautiful and unique and strong...

yeah... i really like this piece.
its simply beautiful and very inspirational indeed.
| Posted on 2007-06-20 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  i lurk on my friend's es pages to find things and people i like, because i'm getting tired of all the angsty cutter crap. lo and behold, i found you.

so what are two cute italians doing on a poetry site when they haven't seen each other's work yet?

for shame.

i love revelation. so much. the opening punch of fingers in a socket (being a not so bright child, not so bright teenager, and devilish twenty something, i can relate to this. physically. emotionally. spiritually. it's good. especially the concept of electric juice. wonderful double entendre involving colloquialism. and blackness is how quiet takes the city, isn't it? it reminds me of something else... the shadow of a hawk, falling over a mouse, right before the snatch.

i also like how you use repetition. not with the words or beat, but with the lines. the brevity, the beautiful imagery. it's a good thing, as martha would say. i don't like martha though. i like this.

my one nitpick?

sanitation. not sanatation.

here's to drinking the ambrosia. (not that i have)
| Posted on 2007-06-19 00:00:00 | by freeradical | [ Reply to This ]
      Sort of interesting. First, why the change from semi-colon to full period at the ends of each segment? Why use any punctuation at all.
      Six stages of a poem. Of inspiration. Each category, sort of like the scientific method. A lot of this I do recognize happening to me when I strike a thought that I felt to be inspired in poetry.
      "It is a naked home coming/ strip from the world" – in this one, I think 'strip' should become 'stripped,' as you seem to be mostly past-tense throughout the piece.
      Actually, that whole segment: " It is a naked home coming/ strip from the world/ like a ship its barnacles." The last line there, 'like a ship its barnacles,' doesn't seem clear to me. Like a ship and its barnacles? Like a ship has barnacles? Maybe just a typo.

      I did enjoy the imagery in this one. From tree to seed to root to desert rain. That last part is especially great. Poetry is puddle to a drought – you have to sip it sometimes, and enjoy it as long as you can. Nourishing. It's a great process, from the transcription of thought to paper to the recycled consumption of reading it. If trees didn't have us we wouldn't have the trees. I'm reading a lot about trees lately.
      Somehow your poem made me look up Schrödinger's Cat.
| Posted on 2006-09-23 00:00:00 | by rouge wave | [ Reply to This ]
  Overall this is very well done. I think because of the arrangement it losses some clarity. I'm sure it would stand very well if the qualifiers were not placed between each strophe. My thought is to place the on the left hand margin and lef the strophes be read continuously.
I don't know if this is going to format right but this is the idea..

Revelation its like fingers in the socket
the singed touch drinking electric juice
until quiet takes the city
in a wave of blackness;

My only aim is to drive the continuity and sense of opening through the poem, because without it, I miss your theme.

Beautiiful work, I wouldn't change a word. thanks for sharing,

| Posted on 2006-09-13 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a nice poem. I am not sure about the repetition of similes, although they do a nice job of describing the feelings here. Inspiration is a wonderful thing and can be found in so many places, even where you may least expect to find it. It is enlightening and motivating to the soul. I think one typo noted here in your fifth stanza, "were" perhaps should be "where". Maybe if you used a different word to introduce the simile instead of "it's like" every time to help break up the repetition here maybe "much like" or something along those lines? Of course that is just my opinion, and overall this poem is really good. Very well written and expressed. Take care.

| Posted on 2006-03-17 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  there seems to be an over-abundance in the similes here, although they are in themselves; solid metaphors. the rhythm here is a bit off too in this aspect i think; the first two stanzas have "its like" for their first lines- i dont know, but i was expecting all the stanzas to have the same words on the first lines. two doesnt seem to fit my aesthetic numerical principles lol. and maybe in the last stanza's first line you could articulate and play more on the repitition with "yes, its like...".

other than that, i find this to have wonderfully chosen words. senses were nice and subdued. never over-exaggerating the image. sweeping visuals... a fine write.

| Posted on 2006-03-10 00:00:00 | by Pietro | [ Reply to This ]

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