Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: the last dandeliondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: andnow
    ASL Info:    19.f.wa
    Elite Ratio:    3.57 - 136/135/42
    Words: 200
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 749
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1398



    Description:
       hmm... i had a bunch of ideas in my mind for this one, but this is where it ended up. I don't really think this is all too good, but it was fun to write and thats what matters


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe last dandeliondots
    -------------------------------------------


    It came upon with disregarded warning,
    a tornado with a 12 month notice.
    Something of this caliber was unheard of in this region.
    But we trusted our resources, what we already had.

    “These buildings were built with strong enough bricks!
    Surely they’ll protect us through those harsh and violent winds.
    Extra precautions would be asinine!”
    The Mayor announced.

    A second of hesitation befell our community,
    but was hastily cast aside.
    We decided to trust the Mayor’s confidence,
    and dismissed any attempted precaution.

    I stood behind the crowd.
    Keeping my doubts,
    locked in my mind,
    I slowly evacuated the area.

    Sure enough, the skies twisted,
    the winds twirled,
    our city proved to be merely a town.

    With a deafening rattle,
    rooftops were rumbling,
    carpets were tumbling;

    But as quick as it was,
    a trail of destruction left in broad daylight!

    Quite a while later I returned.
    I walked through the ruins.
    Scattered remains of
    what I once called home.

    Not a single person was in sight.
    But my worries disappeared as
    I saw the last dandelion,
    in a massacre of shattered memories.

    I plucked it and sighed.




    Submitted on 2006-03-09 21:08:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      at first, i liked it because it was a surgical explanation of a place, with a feel, and a person with an attitude, and a narrator with a bias.

    then it transported to another instance in time, where there was feeling, there was an image, there was a mood and tone and atmosphere.

    and most importantly...

    the dandelion.

    which represented nothing in particular, but seemed so chock full of metaphor/representation/symbolism/beauty.

    in a language nobody of this world can understand it speaks to the reader.

    but we'll never really know what that dandelion had to say, it's words were hushed and carried on gusts of wind.

    magnificent.
    | Posted on 2006-03-20 00:00:00 | by Sheakhan | [ Reply to This ]
      The last verse is awesome. I love the fact that your poem isn't about the common heartbreak or angry rant. I also like the fact that it's something that effected more than one person in a terrible way. yet you leave us with optimism. I think this is the first poem I've read today that I can honestly say I have nothing bad to say. Good job!

    -x- Candie
    | Posted on 2006-03-16 00:00:00 | by teenage_dirtbag | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this would make a good poem if worded differently! I enjoyed this part:
    "But my worries disappeared as
    I saw the last dandelion,
    in a massacre of shattered memories."
    Those lines are just awesome.
    | Posted on 2006-03-09 00:00:00 | by darkened_soul | [ Reply to This ]
      its a little solid, kind of hard to find something to comment on. Its straight to the point and it gets the message across, and one wonders what exactly compelled you to write about this specifically.
    | Posted on 2006-03-20 00:00:00 | by draco-joe | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    94441

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry