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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Yo-Yodots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: halopop
    ASL Info:    25/f/FL
    Elite Ratio:    4.24 - 167/141/21
    Words: 68
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Misc
    Total Views: 385
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 463



    Description:
       there is no description for this... i like using metaphors way too much and i think this is the last time i do it until i find something better....

    - fifi


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYo-Yodots
    -------------------------------------------


    start at the top
    long way to the bottom
    I can see it from here
    it’s always been in sight
    but didn’t pay attention

    start to roll...
    start to slide
    down this sleek string
    where’d the string come from?

    down...
    down...
    down...
    now rolling at the end...
    in that sleeper position
    nowhere to go but up
    unless you cut the string...





    Submitted on 2004-05-03 20:58:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I liked this, I read it a couple of times, and I think I get it, but I'm not quite sure. I got alot of images from this write. It has a good vibe.
    | Posted on 2005-08-08 00:00:00 | by Malcolm Bishop | [ Reply to This ]
      pretty much like life, i would guess. interesting use of a yo-yo... when you talked about the "sleeper position," it reminded me of when i used to play with a yo-yo and make it "sleep" at the end before i brought it back up. sure couldn't do it these days! i liked your poem!
    | Posted on 2004-05-03 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a great concept. I really like the the last stanza. I like cliché's when they are well placed/used. You could reword it, but it definately works well there. like mcat said it is alot like life. I like how you can take it seriously and humorously. I hope you work on this some more, but I really like it.
    | Posted on 2004-05-10 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]
      Hehe. There's nothing wrong with using the metaphors. I happen to like the metaphors..especially if they're used well (which you did here). I really like the ending. Gotta get rid of those strings for sure!
    ~Aaron
    | Posted on 2004-05-13 00:00:00 | by MusingMinstrel | [ Reply to This ]



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