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    dots Submission Name: Knowledgedots

    Author: Lily George
    ASL Info:    15, Female, Europe
    Elite Ratio:    7.05 - 36/19/8
    Words: 125
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 843
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 806

       God, I don't know. Rhyming scheme a loose ABCB, until the coda. Please review if you read, I don't mind what you say :)

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I know that patient whispers come to nothing
    Foolish murmurs and replies of love in vain
    I am not delusional.
    Only temporary, like the rain

    that splits and slides on cool school windows
    Glassy reminders of the world we do not touch
    Plants waver, wetly green.
    Crows shiver in the hush.

    Soon we will be memories, then ancestors, forgotten
    And think we are the better for our smug knowing
    But it is now that matters
    And there are pink infants baldly crowing

    in unopened lives, mountains wait for climbing
    And though we die, we have hands now, for making
    And eyes to look, not see
    And minds that hold the taking

    We have souls
    We are souls
    We are, now.

    Submitted on 2006-03-10 11:15:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      THIS I LOVE. Without sounding to overly passionate i really did like this - and yes - I welcome you to one of the few privileged places within my favourites list!

    Im unsure on what to say because all I can think about it the more time a spend here - the longer i have to wait to read it again.

    So thank you Miss Lily George from Europe - you made the final countdown, welcome to the hit list!

    Mstr Rz
    | Posted on 2006-03-10 00:00:00 | by master raz | [ Reply to This ]
      Welcome - I think you'll like it here at E.S. Lot's of good poetry and plenty of feedback on what you write. So, great to have you here and hope you stick around a while. Now, about your poem:

    I like this. I think you have some talent. The ideas expressed are true and complete, The form used is suiting. Your opening line captures the interest of the reader. Your closing line makes a statement. Throughout there are interesting metaphors:

    "pink infants baldly crowing

    in unopened lives"

    Did you mean to say "boldly", it works either way, just curious?

    You say a lot about "Knowledge" and about living, about accepting challenges:

    "mountains wait for climbing"

    (an original way of expressing an old idea) that's working in some creativity.

    "we have hands now, for making"
    "and minds to hold the taking"

    Telling us to be of this moment, to live today, not wait for tomorrow. An inspiring message.

    A very well written and original poem. I enjoyed reading it. Nice work.

    And another welcome aboard.

    | Posted on 2006-03-10 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice, fresh images. 'I'm not delusional', great thought. It's all temporary, let's give it our best effort anyway - the thought is echoed in much of the writing I see. I like the ideas and how well they are conveyed. This poem gets itself across very well. Maybe others can comment on the structure and word choices.
    | Posted on 2006-03-10 00:00:00 | by Spare Change | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmmmmm, i quote phil on this one...

    "I like this. I think you have some talent. The ideas expressed are true and complete, The form used is suiting. Your opening line captures the interest of the reader. Your closing line makes a statement."

    those words are true it is a very complex and beautiful write, the metaphors fit in perfectly and with grace, it grabbed my attention right away and i couldnt have been so shocked in my life at how your write turned out. it is a beautiful piece and E.S should be proud to have you as one of their writers. I am glad you are a fellow poet you have great talent, your writing is spetacular.

    keep up the great work
    lots of love
    x0x mickey x0x
    | Posted on 2006-03-10 00:00:00 | by Drain_my_Blood | [ Reply to This ]

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