.......Qu3stioned Lov3....... by Fearless

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Submission Name: .......Qu3stioned Lov3....... dots

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Author:	Fearless
ASL Info:	16fPhillippines
Elite Ratio:	6.48 - 85/63/19
Words:	205

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	207
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1238

Description:
This poem inspired me to write again because of what i feel about this certain person. We used to like each other like crazy and talk on the phone for hours and hours not wanting to let go.
But now, we hardly talk even in school.
His excuse is that, too many guys like me and that i ignore him first.
I only ignore him sometimes because he ignores me.
But now that we've been ignoring each other.......i don't even feel like i like him that much anymore.
I told him that, but i don't think he understands.
I just don't want to let go first because i might regret it someday.
We've had so many happy memories together that when we stop doing what we always used to do...i don't know what i'm supposed to do with my weekends anymore.

please, tell me what you think of this poem because i'm planning to revise it a lot..
i'm not a very poet like my sister is....but yah. bash it!

--coco

.......Qu3stioned Lov3....... dots

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I see you in the corner of my eye
Seeming as if you're ready to fly
You ask me questions, but sometimes i lie.
"No no, our love is not about to die.."
Oh, sometimes you don't hear my silent cry
I hide it in the dark, because i don't want to say goodbye.

You used to held me tight like a bear,
So close and warm, acting like you care.
Helped me overcome all of my fears
Wiped away my stained tears.
You give me butterflies, everytime you're near,
And the way you used to whisper in my ear.

Every night i dream about everything we've done
Everyday i see it in your actions, that you're love for me is gone.
I still remember when we used to have fun..
Talking and smiling whenever we can!
Each day you say i like another man...?!
You don't even know i'm your #1 fan!!

If you love me, then please let it show
If you don't, Hurry and let me know.
So i can go and never see the snow!
Cry the night with full of sorrow.
Walk on the street with a smile tomorrow,
Because i know that someone will follow!!!

Submitted on 2006-03-10 20:24:02 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
In terms of advice, i'd say let this guy go unless you are sure that you haven't said everything that you needed to say. Make sure u say everything you needed to say and if he doesn't change his mind or run after you then, your question is answered. Somehow, i feel that it's both your fault that you haven't made this so called love work. If it was true love, don't u think, things as simple as what the two of you are having would of overcame...To me ignoring the person just because he's ignoring you is just playing childish and the fact that he is jealous of guys liking you is also childish. A guy when he really wants everyone to know that your his girl would stick by your side no matter what.

A relationship holds several ingredients, i'm not sure how much because things keep adding up each other as you grow up but there are some things that a relationship should always have and keep that in mind; communication, honesty but most of all trust. If a person can't trust you, then you are better off without him. My b/f had many issues where people wanted to be with me or him and they have made many stories about me and he believed it and confronted me...Read the post "My Affair" that was around that time...Anyhow, i just left him and told him whenever you are ready to trust me again, call me cause i don't want to be in a relationship where there is no trust.

To be honest, i think if u still want him, u have to burn the negative and keep the positive but it takes two remember. I also think that there is better things to worry about than boys. Guys will come and go but other things only come once in a lifetime. This worry might be a big one for you but trust me, it's minor. The guy doesn't trust you. Leave it as that. If he can't overcome that problem, question solved. Cry for a lil while then move on. You can always create new happy memories. That's the nice thing about the future.Don't leave the past behind though cause that's what we learn from. Hope i was good advice.

Anyhow, about the poem itself. Forget the rhyming or if you don't want to forget the rhyming, use a different rhyme scheme. The one you used is too weak. It takes away a lot from the poem. Try using poetic tools such as imagery, word choice, symbolism etc...it's really powerful tools.

Overall, i remembered myself when i was ur age ( in terms of the writing and in terms of the experience). keep writing and you will be the master of your own world of writing and stay strong with school and all. things does get better.

Do take care...
Irina
| Posted on 2006-03-11 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
All the stanzas were rhyming; changing up the rhyme scheme a bit could make it sound/flow better. Some of the lines seem to read awkwardly, also. I think the second stanza first line is supposed to say "hold" instead of "held"? The third and fourth line in that stanza don't need to be past-tense. Third stanza: the second line seems longer than the rest; make it shorter or break it down into two lines. The "...?!" doesn't seem right after that second to last line. Last stanza: the word 'know' seems repetetive..And yet again, the whole poem kinda looks like it's based on rhyming.
The idea of the poem is basically what a lot of people write about, just work on making it more original (rhyming, word choices, etc) It's a good start. Practice makes perfect
| Posted on 2006-03-10 00:00:00 | by Ebony Medvick | [ Reply to This ]

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