The Hunt by Inducted

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Submission Name: The Hunt dots

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Author:	Inducted_Kitty
Elite Ratio:	4.3 - 307/421/109
Words:	135

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	249
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	892

Description:

The Hunt dots

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The forest was lush with its greenery
Such fragrance and healing power
Trees bending over in welcome
Admiring the shrubs' perfect flower.

The animals running so freely
Unaware of the danger of man
Frolicking happy and carefree
Resting whenever they can.

Then, with no warning, silence is shattered
By a loud, ringing blast of a gun
A young deer falls, its blood flowing crimson
A hunter sends his dog forth on the run.

The dog finds his mark, its so easy
And stands watch til his master arrives
He is praised for his part in this murder
No concern for these innocent lives.

The young deer lies in wait of his peril
No escape, blessed death comes at last
The hunter has captured his trophy
With a single, but cruel blast...

Submitted on 2006-03-10 20:42:00 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
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||| Comments |||
  IK, the third stanza here reads very awkwardly to me. Your other 4 stanzas have a rhtyhm to them... mainly becasue they have a more regualr number of stresses, of syllables, and the third stanza breaks that. While I can acept it thematically... it make it hard to read. If you want it broken and a bit awkward there, which does work with the death going on... the horror of the moment, then I say great. PArt of me wishes it were smoother, though, more in-line with the rest of the poem.
| Posted on 2006-03-10 00:00:00 | by DavidHirt | [ Reply to This ]
  Hello Cheryl,

I wanted to say I hope you are doing better you are in my thoughts even with a lot going on where I am, it is nothing to what you have gone through.

as far this write:

this is a sensitive issue for many; trophy hunting is something that is despised by some and hailed as something challenging by others. the scenery in the woods you have painted well with the introduction in the first stanza. The part I really like out of the first four lines in St 1 are the trees bending over with a warm welcome. the rhyming throughout seems flawless to me but I don’t know as far as sound; someone else will have to check that. alternate words for crimson if perhaps you want those are: scarlet, rubicund, cherry, ruddy, blush, carmine, sanguine, vermillion, damask, ruby, magenta, cerise, garnet, cardinal, rouge, and claret. Some don’t like the crimson proliferation that is rampant on the site so I give options, take it if you like. I can feel the shame on the fourth line of the fourth stanza. also the same effect is on the last line as well. Personally I do not care for trophy hunting I don’t see why it is necessary to prove someone can kill an animal that way, I think perhaps if the odds were a little bit more even then perhaps it may be ok, but even then if one kills then one should use that animal's meat and hide. I enjoyed the write well done Cheryl, you take care.

~mike
| Posted on 2006-03-11 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
  I hate that sport that men play. They should really ban that sport or hobby or whatever crap they call it. It just doesn't make much sense. To some, animals don't mean much to them, so they don't feel no how and maybe they think of it not as murder because they believe an animal is animal...But i am wondering whether they know that everyone has the right to live just as long as they do not disturb the rest of society. Those deers, i am possitive have done nothing wrong to have their lives snatched away from them just like that.

Also i can interpret this poem as a real life situation among humans ( just being in a symbolism mood...nothing more) The hunter is the murderer, the dog is the middleman or someone who covers up the story. I think they call it an alibi and the deer is the victim. The hunter wants to kill a specific target which is the deer and kills it when the victim less suspect it and since there should be people knowing whether a person has gone missing or not, the dog creates an alibi for the murderer to be free again and not pay for his sins.
Again i'm just using this situation with a reality that does happen in society every single day which is rather sad.

I did feel though that you didn't have your feelings in this one. You just wrote it for the sake of writing it and nothing else. I believe you wanted to write a story and to me it didn't have much effect. It was only until i thought of the act some people use here to kill animals that made me angry. But still, your heart wasn't in this piece. There was something wrong with my emotions when i read this piece...i didn't really have much of emotions back then. If you want you can do something about it or you can just leave it as that. It's all up to you...It depends whether you want to emphasis this point or whether it doesn't concern your heart that much

Anyhow, do take care...
Irina
| Posted on 2006-03-11 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
  It seems that this is about hunting. When I hunt, it's only to survive. Even then I seel bad for what I kill, IF I kill it. Remember that hunting doesn't always mean for sport. However, there is some that do, and it's a damn shame. Anyways, it's an ok write. I got the feeling you didn't have your heart in it. It just seemed sort of shallow and detached. My advise is that you try to become more involved with you writing. You have to feel it, you know? Well, best of luck!

Forever,
Lilithe
| Posted on 2006-03-10 00:00:00 | by Lilithe_Aislin | [ Reply to This ]

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