Description: This one's about dear ol' dad. I wrote this out of pure frustration and anger. I was having these really strong emotions, and this is the best way to alleviate them. I think it is a very passionate piece, so I decided to post it. Hope you like it.
There is a certain monster
That roams among these walls
That feeds not on the flesh or bone
But on your seething emotion
He rips the love straight from your chest
At the mere scent of the feeling
As he watches your stricken eyes
And tastes your ravenous fear
Conscience eludes his hollow skull
With expressions as blank as his thoughts
When he speaks of your faults
The words rush like daggers through your heart
The only care that exists in him
Is the house built on tears and pain
Crimson dashes the decorations
And hate is held thick in the air
"Murder, Murder" he says
And all we can do is walk away
Hide our own depression
In our lonely faded rooms
Grab the razors, pen, and paper
Then I'll tell you a beautiful story
Written in the loveliest shade of blood
Until the beast rises from his sleep
Outside my bedroom door
Whispering thoughts of suicide into my head
Wishing the radio would fight his spiteful tongue
Hoping tomorrow will never return
Because it kills me to live
As the door swings open
And the only thing I see through the dark
A demon in my view
Magnificent - I believe it, it's intense, it's startling, and that's a very good thing, as previously said by ChimeraNytemare.
I have to say I relate to this well.
"Conscience elludes his hollow skull
With expressions as blank as his thoughts
When he speaks of your faults
The words rush like daggers through your heart"
Hallow skull and blank thoughts; this stanza is spot on.
"Grab the razors, pen, and paper
Then I'll tell you a beautiful story
Written in the lovliest shade of blood
Until the beast rises from his sleep"
What comes to mind is morbidly beautiful - in a good way of course. This stanza I think really captures the essence of the piece, for me at least.
"Hoping tomorrow will never return" - doesn't make sense but it fits perfectly, perhaps my favorite line. It could make a good title; eyecatching and capturing.
You did very well on this, I half expected it to be very messy, unorganized, and just generally displeasing, but it was the complete opposite.
Fabulous job darling, I look forward to reading and responding to more of your work :]
This is startling in it's intensity, which is a very good thing. I know I can't ever put a clear focus on the emotions I write. It was like looking through your eyes and seeing and feeling exactly what you did. Wow and great job.
oh my! (evil laugh in silence) That was so..., i have no words to desribe it. It was like a trip through your mind, searching through every nic and cranny, searching for you hurt and pain. It seems as if all happiness was taken away from you and with all that you have left, you use it to write this poem. oh, and by the way, thanks for commenting on MPD, I really appreciaated it.
this is a splashing wow...(jaw wide open). I simply think the emotion are perfectly straight up from the heart and from the head and you just nailed it to the wall...(I'm sure that nail isn't coming off the wall for the longest while).
I had the same feeling exactly the way you described it here before...the only difference between my writing and yours is that my feelings usually drowned back in love after a while. I could never stay mad long enough at my dad to write exactly what you wrote. I just don't have the ability to hate a person like that (don't take it as a bad thing, sometimes i wished i had it cause then people won't be stepping all over me. I'm too forgiving which sucks).
Anyhow, this is going as my favorite. I enjoyed your words hitting my head as every sentence finished. You were powerful in this write. Congradulations.
I loved it! You always have a nack for hitting it where it counts and it show's here. good job! p.s the personna of a inner demon in this one was sweet :) .
Submission Name: Murder, Murder
