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    dots Submission Name: the art of running awaydots

    Author: andnow
    ASL Info:    19.f.wa
    Elite Ratio:    3.57 - 136/135/42
    Words: 85
    Class/Type: Poetry/Friendship
    Total Views: 1037
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 546


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    dotsthe art of running awaydots

    I know of places that conquer the arts.
    Natural displays of expressions of gods

    we’ll follow the coast til we run out of sand.
    catch the sunset in the palm of my hand.

    we’ll climb the Cascades where snowflakes collide.
    sketch our trail across the mountainside.

    we’ll see the Northern Lights from the hood of my car.
    watch as the colors erase every star.

    Share my soul and never look back.
    Let’s run away...
    Days... and days, and days, and days.

    Submitted on 2006-03-10 21:26:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The imagery was lovely, but the brevity of this piece made me want more - in descriptions, in feeling, in ties.

    I loved the line about running out of sand - sand is often a metaphor for time, so it seemed more poignant that the line itself.

    The ending, however, seems week.
    "Days... and days, and days, and days."

    Days of what? Until what? there is no indication anywhere prior in this piece that gives outside meaning to this line. Does it mean Days together? Days until you run? Days until it will be too late?
    | Posted on 2006-05-13 00:00:00 | by secretpoet | [ Reply to This ]


    the hood of the car hit me as hard as it should of, being that it brings up personal memories, and i personally felt tied into this piece, able to get a feeling for it.

    others might not get that same benefit, but each person is different.

    i'd much like to run away with you.

    it'd be exciting.

    and make life more tolerable.

    we just need the perfect reason and the perfect moment.

    and gas money.

    because i don't want to walk unless we have to.

    i like how you used two important, well known natural occurances.

    the Cascades, which are local.

    and the Northern Lights, which are beautiful.

    i like how you capitalized them accordingly, it was necessary.


    keep it up.
    | Posted on 2006-03-20 00:00:00 | by Sheakhan | [ Reply to This ]
      nice dude! and i loved the title
    haha lol i loved the part about northern light but the hood of the car kinda killed it
    | Posted on 2006-03-10 00:00:00 | by goomaster03 | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting choice of a title. It misleads any potential readers, and may turn off some. It is shame that it would do so, however, for this is a very interesting piece of work for sure. There seems to be a small lack of structure in the stanzas. That is not a bad thing, necessarily, but it may get on some people's nerves. The imagery shown in this piece kind of reminds me of those 6 year olds who dream of running away and never coming back, but do at the end of the day, anyway.
    | Posted on 2006-03-11 00:00:00 | by ParanoidParadox | [ Reply to This ]
      Well i liked this poem..it was really good..the title almost stopped me from rreading it though, but i am glad that i did. it was really good. i liked the two line stanzas and how some had rhymne while others did not...its hard to do that but you could. you can keep the title tho.
    i liked the beginning more than the end..it seemed to run out when you got to the end...but maybe you wanted it to be that way? i dont know.
    well good luck with everything and keep writing.
    p.s. check out some of my wrok sometime plz
    | Posted on 2006-03-10 00:00:00 | by 2Numb | [ Reply to This ]

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