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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Silencedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Black-Wall
    ASL Info:    19 - Male - Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    3.81 - 60/85/48
    Words: 413
    Class/Type: Lyrics/
    Total Views: 284
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2476



    Description:
       Comments would be most gracious, i put a lot of thought into this.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Silencedots
    -------------------------------------------


    ::Voice::

    "There are some qualities- some incorporate things,
    That have a double life, which thus is made
    A type of that twin entity which springs
    From matter and light, evinced in solid and shade."
    Sonnet - Silence
    by: Edgar Allen Poe

    ::End Voice::

    My hands are stained, what have I done, done.
    My hands are stained, what have I done, done done.

    A sleep deprived crime, through darkness the clock froze time. Three daggers all intertwine, the wind howls out and the mind staggers/remains the fire dwelling inside. Halls twist back around to a void once filled with a bastard peace of love. As all was lost and thrown off track, the judgement had been spoken/ murder has become.

    Long time ago a voice once spoke. All who heard froze. Wisond and agony echo from the tormented. It was silent again.

    It was in the sky, bound in a life time of stone. A love like crime, for the grey could never erase the fading sun. A cut down the shriek and a light brush of crimson melts down the cheek. Pale shadows become the lies bound in to the trust fading in life. Watch the reflection drip down what was cast in darkness. Soon reflects to red.

    My hands are stained, what have I done, done.
    My hands are stained, what have I done, done done.

    Long time ago a voice once spoke. All who heard froze. Wisond and agony echo from the tormented. It was silent again.

    My hands are stained, what have I done, done.
    My hands are stained, what have I done, done done.

    [Solo/ Drum solo]

    Could one dismiss what was mistaken for a fragment of rusted bitter hatred. Could obsession become the bullets. Dreams come so close, the voice haunts like a painted silouette. A soft heartbeat and twisted smile become the sanity that is closing. Peel the skin back to see true beauty. No one is left here.

    Long time ago a voice once spoke. All who heard froze. Wisond and agony echo from the tormented. It was silent again.

    My hands are stained, what have I done, done.
    My hands are stained, what have I done, done done.

    A sleep deprived crime, through darkness the clock froze time. Three daggers all intertwine, the wind howls out and the mind staggers/remains the fire dwelling inside.

    The silence exists here




    Submitted on 2006-03-11 00:22:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      If you base your work on angsty great works of art that doesn't make it any less angsty. Besides, greatness is in the eye of the beholder and I can't personaly imagine why anyone would be impressed at all by Poe and especially not by Shakespear.

    Then again, there will always be groupies. This poem is still boring.

    Mr Lib
    | Posted on 2006-03-12 00:00:00 | by Lostinbeer | [ Reply to This ]
      I'll give you my thoughts, I thought, while reading this, oh my god, is this boring thing ever going to end? I'm actually commenting because I need one more comment to post something.

    This sounds very emo, with the hand staining thing, like omg angst angst angst! feel my angst! but I couldn't feel it. You were too busy taking yourself serious I think.

    I suggest you losen up a little and contemplate what you write, not how you write. If that's beyond you, which I suspect, you can always use drugs.

    Take care and peace out,

    Mr Lib.
    | Posted on 2006-03-12 00:00:00 | by Lostinbeer | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh, whoops - you mixed up your submissions. You are supposed to put your requests for the feedback in the top box, and the actual piece in the bottom one. As it is, your work is mixed up. But a minor flaw. Onto more important things.

    I don't know if this is due to the technical error you made in submission, but your lines are not formatted. If this is lyrics to a song, the words shouldn't be in paragraphs. They should be broken up into lines as the music dictates.

    Some beautiful imagery, undoubtedly. Don't get bogged down into too much disjointed pictures, and you'll have yourself a wonderful song.

    Good luck,

    Lily
    | Posted on 2006-03-11 00:00:00 | by Lily George | [ Reply to This ]



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