You by Animus Custodis

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Submission Name: You dots

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Author:	Animus Custodis
Elite Ratio:	3.02 - 86/76/43
Words:	97

Class/Type:	Poetry/Depressed
Total Views:	239
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	562

Description:
just another fucked up poem about another fucked up day in my fucked up life (cheers)

You

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Your words leave me reeling
I fall to the groung Kneeling

I sit here alone crying
Knowing that Im dying

I believe that Im still flying
But still your lying

I sit here calling you
Now Im crawling to you

Again Im falling for you
and Now Im mourning for you

So no you turn your back saying
That you wont take up the slack

Im bleeding onthe floor
Im screaming at the wall
I dont think that I can survive anymore

Submitted on 2006-03-11 01:06:51 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
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||| Comments |||
  At first this poem felt kinda weird, i dunno, probably because the rhymes are so close to together than this feels like some kind of rap almost. But as I kept on reading, it got better and better and by the end I was like "WOW". I love the last three lines the most. It feels so hopeless and depressing, and made me feel really sad too. I think that it was pretty powerful. What might make this poem better though is to try and not use I so much because it kinda makes the poem feel more like just u complaining and can turn off a reader. But other than that, it was pretty powerful.
| Posted on 2006-04-24 00:00:00 | by Faith_Disease | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked it. Where it starts with "I sit here calling to you" is where I got into the flow of the poem. To me the first parts are kind of off flow. It does start of slow for me too but I did really get into it. I'm not sure if it was about a boyfriend or something, but that's what it made me think it was. I never really hold on to relationships after they're over, but I've learned to let things go quickly. I think it's the way it rhymes with multiple word's in the fourth part that made the flow for me seem to go faster. All in all I think it was pretty good.
| Posted on 2006-03-11 00:00:00 | by dude90998 | [ Reply to This ]
  wow..this was really good..it was weird i started off reading kinda slow and then as i went on i got faster and with more emotion..the flow was great..your wording is good..the ending was my favorite part..i could relate, crying and mourning isn't something new to my life..i think this a poem a lot of people can relate to..loved it..keep up the great work! ..
-Lucy-
| Posted on 2006-03-11 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ]

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