Fragments by Poly Jean

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Submission Name: Fragments dots

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Author:	Poly Jean
ASL Info:	31/f/FarAway
Elite Ratio:	4.46 - 382/259/68
Words:	64

Class/Type:	Poetry/Passion
Total Views:	344
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	498

Description:
Those were written separately, both seemed unfinished. They appear connected, when I think about it, they are connected. So, what should I do with it? Suggestions, opinions, critiques, welcomed.

Fragments dots

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I
Your fiery existence
Cast a sneer shadow.
You eclipsed the world,
amorphous, murmuring apparition
dwelling in the distance, now.

II
Ages have passed
in silent, shapeless enduring.
You gave me the voice, the form,
crimson as blood,
blissfully dark as soul unexplored,
mystifying as a secret,
calmly revealing as a dawn
after the night I witnessed war.

Submitted on 2006-03-11 10:11:08 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Oh yes they are connected by the shadow that is present in both. holds these 2 parts together even though written at different times. there seems to be a presence in your theme in both pieces for that u did well ty for the read i enjoyed seeing the connection for sometimes things are always there weather we see them or not
| Posted on 2006-04-11 00:00:00 | by Gannondalf | [ Reply to This ]
  Honestly I don't think you should consider them incomplete. They are more springboards to thought. If I was to try to interpret I'd be seeing the first as an over-branching "in the beginning" sort of poem. I like "sneer shadow", it sounds as though the creator has some contempt for its creations, particularly when you say "dwelling in the distance now" - like creation was just a passing fancy. In the second piece you narrow your focus to the individual and how this individual is affected by the attitude of the creator. I'm not sure that "crimson as blood" is a necessary line, but otherwise I think what you have here is an excellent, thought provoking poem.
| Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by Fantastic Freya | [ Reply to This ]
  The only link I see with the two is that they both are dark writes. But they clearly have different meanings. I think in order to bridge the two creat a theme for both, link one sentence that bind both poems and you will have a single poem. I think alos providing clarification to both as far as their meanings happen to be. Overall, very good...just link the two with a common thread and line.

Maggie
| Posted on 2006-03-12 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
  wow... good fragments .. nice ideas they will be a great masterpiece ... so keep on writing and finish them .. i cant wait to read those ones´
take care and peace and love!
and if you have a chance please take a look to my writings
Victor!
| Posted on 2006-03-11 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]
  I definately see the connections between the two, perhaps create a third one to transition from one to the next, then combine it all together! I really liked it, keep goin, dont give up now! your so close! lol. but seriously, good write.
Jenn @>->-
| Posted on 2006-03-11 00:00:00 | by BreakAndFall | [ Reply to This ]

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