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    dots Submission Name: flyingdots

    Author: EV2884
    ASL Info:    21years/female/michigan
    Elite Ratio:    2.88 - 53/48/15
    Words: 132
    Class/Type: Poetry/What you did
    Total Views: 703
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 778

       just wanted to see if it any good

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    i spread my wings
    and yet i cannot
    fly i am bound
    to the ground.

    yet you laugh
    as i try to
    fly and i fall
    back down to
    this blasted.

    yet you laugh
    as i weep the
    tears of defeat.

    yet you laugh as i
    try not to give into
    this small defeat it is
    hard not to give into
    being a failure, as you
    see me as.

    yet you continue to
    laugh as i walk away
    for the day and try again
    another day.

    you can laugh all you
    want but it will never bring
    me down.

    i will fly someday
    so you can have your
    joy of laughing until
    the day i i start flying.

    Submitted on 2006-03-11 11:10:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I agree with bbcakes, yet was used too much. I think that is what took away from the meaning of the poem. Also the way it flowed threw me off it broke off of the lines too quickly. I did however like the idea that you put into the poem. The thought of trying so hard and being laughed at everytime I fail makes me mad. To me it felt like you were just waiting for the day you succeded just to see the look on that person's face.
    | Posted on 2006-03-11 00:00:00 | by dude90998 | [ Reply to This ]
      Yet was used almost too much. I kinda got board with it. Eventhough it really had alot of meaning. I really understood that you felt trapped. You did well but not great. good luck on your next piece. Sorry
    | Posted on 2006-03-11 00:00:00 | by bbcakes1115 | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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