<b>Apocalypse</b> by vitoko

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Submission Name: Apocalypse dots

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Author:	vitoko
ASL Info:	24/M/ Peru
Elite Ratio:	4.4 - 689/442/104
Words:	88

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	141
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	582

Description:
a land that i saw on my dreamd me and my girl as unite as the sun and the moon ..

Apocalypse dots

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Gray clouds and dark sky,
Bloody ground and lave from mountains,
The world is about to die
With no dream achieved.

In the past, the green tree
Wished they lived forever.
The sea gave life to beaings
The sky showed the beauty of stars

Humanity wanted to live
But killed their world
They have not noticed that
They changed love into hate

Between pain and death,
They have faith for a messiah,
Who will take them to Eden,
Which they will destroy as earth!

Submitted on 2006-03-11 11:34:25 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
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||| Comments |||
  yo dude this piece is really deep! i am not religious, but i am definately spiritual. and was fairly spiritual. nice man. keep it up yo! peace
| Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by L.i. | [ Reply to This ]
  Hmmm... interesting write. Quite thought provoking. I like the stance you took on this and the way you carried your point across. Keep up the good work and have blessed day.
| Posted on 2006-03-20 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
  This is quite good. I loved it, especially the last stanza. It is very deep, and very true I guess.
It is a nice poem, with some simple but nice imaginary, but somehow the flow is no good. I think it is too tied by the form. Since you do not rhyme, you could try to “break” this form, with some rephrasing I think it would sound much better.
| Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by Poly Jean | [ Reply to This ]
  I love this poem! Very spiritual. Few speeling mistakes, but who cares, I loved this poem a lot. I wouuld point out the parts I liked but I liked the entire poem! Good flow and good subject. Keep Writing!
| Posted on 2006-03-12 00:00:00 | by Caiss Prejent | [ Reply to This ]
  Quite a dream you had I'd say. I think this was very good. It was filled with great imagery and details. Good flow. Very nice. I would only suggest working on the spelling typos. Other than that, you did real good here.

Maggie
| Posted on 2006-03-12 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
  a very poignant and spiritual write.

The world is about to die
With no dream achieved...

Humanity wanted to live
But killed their world
They have not noticed that
They changed love into hate

these were my favourite lines. how sad that humanity is destroying the world.

i also like the last lines, that humanity would do the same and destroy even Eden..

well done.

peace,
~Cat

| Posted on 2006-03-11 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow! such a deeply spiritual and emotional write! I really enjoyed the deep thoughts behind this one, it really was an expression of the thoughts of humanity as a whole: we wait for the world to end, so often believing it will be such a horrible thing, forgetting that we can be saved, that perhaps there is something more, perhaps its not so bad afterall. Good write, keep it up!
| Posted on 2006-03-11 00:00:00 | by BreakAndFall | [ Reply to This ]

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