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Embrace the moment
Pieces of eternity
Bound by fate
Enveloped with reverie
Pools of thought
Disappear in tomorrow
Chasing after time
Forever it seems
In skyward glance
Millions to delight
| i don't really feel an 'wholeness' to this piece. it seems to be begging for understanding, but it lacks the communication to make the connection. maybe that's just me. glad anyone else could understand this one.|
|| Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by ghostknight | [ Reply to This ] || I really like how you made this poem. Each line is like a separate story but then kinda goes together as a whole with the rest of the poem. I really like that and that its so simple and doesnt have any hidden meanings or symbols cause i'm never good at figuring that stuff out, lol. But i agree with fredmelden that "millions to delight" does seem a little out of place with the rest of your peom. But the rest of it was fine, i liked it.||| Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by Faith_Disease | [ Reply to This ] || MMMmmmm I like what you did here. I'm a fan of linear poems, where each line tells its own tale, and can stand alone from the rest of the piece.|
With that in mind, I'd keep "Simply so" simply seperate. The repetition is fine, just move it away from the statements.
"In silvery circles" and "For fiery descent" you could drop the prepositiion to accent the statement the line makes, they're no necessary.
so, simply "silver circles" and "fiery descents"
very small things to pick on, and only my opinion, I loved your idea and execution
|| Posted on 2006-03-11 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ] || "Millions to delight" seems out of place. Otherwise, a nice poem. Not particularly complex, nor demonstrative of great skill, yet very nice in its simplicity. However, your description is a bit misleading. There has obviously been some attempt at structural and meter consistency, which implies to me that you have a sensitivity to them both. Keep writing. I like what you've done here, and believe your skills will develop to a high level.|
|| Posted on 2006-03-11 00:00:00 | by fredmelden | [ Reply to This ] |