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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Simply Sodots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: krs3332003
    Elite Ratio:    6.48 - 143/113/63
    Words: 60
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 754
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 535



    Description:
       Just a little ditty about looking about at the night sky, shooting stars, making wishes, and just wondering. Treat each line as its own thought. There is no rhyming scheme or any sort of beat - it's all about contemplation; that's all...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSimply Sodots
    -------------------------------------------


    Starry nights
    Embrace the moment
    Pieces of eternity

    Open hearts
    Silvery circles
    Bound by fate

    Simply so

    Wishes made
    Fiery descents
    Enveloped with reverie

    Abstractionís child
    Pools of thought
    Disappear in tomorrow

    Simply so

    Silent eyes
    Chasing after time
    Forever it seems

    Lucidly held
    In skyward glance
    Millions to delight

    Simply so




    Submitted on 2006-03-11 14:03:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i don't really feel an 'wholeness' to this piece. it seems to be begging for understanding, but it lacks the communication to make the connection. maybe that's just me. glad anyone else could understand this one.

    peace out.
    | Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by ghostknight | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like how you made this poem. Each line is like a separate story but then kinda goes together as a whole with the rest of the poem. I really like that and that its so simple and doesnt have any hidden meanings or symbols cause i'm never good at figuring that stuff out, lol. But i agree with fredmelden that "millions to delight" does seem a little out of place with the rest of your peom. But the rest of it was fine, i liked it.
    | Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by Faith_Disease | [ Reply to This ]
      MMMmmmm I like what you did here. I'm a fan of linear poems, where each line tells its own tale, and can stand alone from the rest of the piece.

    With that in mind, I'd keep "Simply so" simply seperate. The repetition is fine, just move it away from the statements.

    "In silvery circles" and "For fiery descent" you could drop the prepositiion to accent the statement the line makes, they're no necessary.

    so, simply "silver circles" and "fiery descents"

    very small things to pick on, and only my opinion, I loved your idea and execution

    be happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2006-03-11 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      "Millions to delight" seems out of place. Otherwise, a nice poem. Not particularly complex, nor demonstrative of great skill, yet very nice in its simplicity. However, your description is a bit misleading. There has obviously been some attempt at structural and meter consistency, which implies to me that you have a sensitivity to them both. Keep writing. I like what you've done here, and believe your skills will develop to a high level.
    Nice work.
    fred
    | Posted on 2006-03-11 00:00:00 | by fredmelden | [ Reply to This ]


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