Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: When you do choose to love medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: tinashe
    ASL Info:    20 male zimbabwe
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 46/54/36
    Words: 199
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 907
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1123



    Description:
       the song of an abused and lonely house wife


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhen you do choose to love medots
    -------------------------------------------


    When you do choose to love me
    love me not like your dear life
    but as your wife
    for life ends only in death

    Do not love me like money and wealth
    money is like a prostitute
    it sleeps in the hands of many men
    today we might have it
    tomorrow we might not

    When you do choose to love me
    do not love me like your shadow
    and expect me to follow you around
    and answer at your every whim like a chained slave
    departing from your presence
    leaving you to your own means by night time

    Do not love me like your mother
    and expect me to fuss over you like a child
    you are the father of my sons

    When you do choose to love me
    do not love me like yourself
    for in the company of drunkards
    you lose yourself

    Do not love me like a flower
    free for all bees
    which dries up and rots at the end of spring

    Love me my husband
    like the spirit of death
    When it desires you
    it will get you by all means




    Submitted on 2006-03-12 03:47:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Absolutely loved it! The analogies and similes in his poem seem brilliant: the idea of money being like a prostitute and a flower being promiscuous is well completely brilliant. I must say I am a fan of your style. It seems so rooted yet so open. Reminds me of Maya Angelou’s work. I would like to share idea with you if they could be possible … I think we might have a lot in common…are you really from Africa
    | Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by Versifier | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a wonderful poem. I love the imagery you use in describing how you don't want to be love. The way you want to be loved is the truest love of all. An unconditional love, which is what we all truly desire. A great write. The only thing I want to point out is your lack of punctuation. If it was intentional, then forgive me. Overall though, I really enjoyed your poem. Keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by lostpoet25 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked your poem! I loved the analogies and imagery used throughout this. It was powerful and intense. So many many emotions and all work well within this poem. Yes, a man should love his wife exclusively and without hurting her with words or his hands. This spoke volumes for how a women may feel. My only flaw I found was I think your ending did not stnad up and match the beauty of the rest of the poem. Maybe if I knew what you meant by it, it will jog something upstairs for me and fall into place. So please explain the last 4 lines to me. Overall, excellent.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-03-12 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    94687

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry