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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: LeaningToEternity&OpinionNFactdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: FrankBlissett
    Elite Ratio:    5.17 - 206/191/66
    Words: 150
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 278
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1147



    Description:
       Here are two poems - "Leaning Toward Eternity" and "Opinion And Fact". The primary thing I am looking for is which of the two leaves the biggest impression on you (in a good way). Any further critique on either poem is welcome and encouraged.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLeaningToEternity&OpinionNFactdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Leaning Toward Eternity

    When I die put my ashes in a coffee can stained from age,
    Weighted with fools gold and sealed with bee's wax.

    Then lower me in the upset waters beside the overgrown bank,
    Where the old weeping willow leans toward eternity.



    Opinion And Fact

    The difference between opinion and fact
    Is how well you pronounce the words.

    Foul words like fools gold glitter;
    A clever expression of anger --
    If you follow the rules.

    Sharing our daily bread,
    We argue the nature of creativity,
    Trouble over a dash or a comma,
    Fret the meaning of life,
    Whine over who gets the heel.

    So long as you don't take it personal.

    And if you believe that,
    You've just fallen for
    The difference between opinion and fact.







    Submitted on 2006-03-12 08:56:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      of the two I lean towards the first one, simply because I have trouble deciphering the second. it seems to bounce around a little, and I don't see where you've proven your conclusion. but that just very well be my overworked mind, as I am in the middle of a project that has my practical mind overpowering my creative mind, so perhaps I'll return to reevaluate.

    question (if you don't mind) : what is your motivation for having us choose between two poems? I asumed when I read the intro that it would be two versions of the same poem or at least the same theme. or do you consider the two to have similar themes and maybe I'm missing the point?

    and if I thought your work was garbage I wouldn't be asking. I find it to be intriguing and thus am curious to learn more. sorry I couldn't be of more help this time around. maybe with a little more understanding I can do more next time.
    | Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      Definitely the first one - that first line really grasps one's attention and you maintain it from thereon really fabulous imagery related to age and eternity aided by a liberal use of adjectives denoting time stained from age, overgrown bank, old weeping willow
    Neat poem
    nessie
    | Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by comradenessie | [ Reply to This ]
      Both of thes pieces were kind of detached from reality. They're kind of random thoughts where all of the work behind them disappears in a simple presentation.

    To me, the first works much better. It's a single theme, simply stated and somehow magical.

    The second bounces around a bit more, touching on things that to me aren't really related.

    Good work,



    Steve
    | Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      to me definitely, the first one... thats the one that stood out to me. thats the one that i love. its so... infinite... i love the whole tone of it, the picture that it made me see in my minds eye, the intensity of such a short piece. i really like it.

    sorry i am so shady with my comments...
    | Posted on 2006-03-12 00:00:00 | by Sacred Sindy | [ Reply to This ]



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