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    dots Submission Name: To Love!dots

    Author: Senna27NZ
    ASL Info:    33/m/New Zealand-UK
    Elite Ratio:    5.42 - 251/184/26
    Words: 263
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 1863
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1764

       Inspired by a toastmaster at a wedding who'd had a little too much to drink...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTo Love!dots

    Friends now raise your glasses
    for sorrows we must drown!
    Swallow melancholic words
    of a broken-hearted clown
    I speak now of a dream
    long since robbed of innocence
    Men, a toast to Love
    Vive L'Indifference!

    Friends please stay awhile
    share with me in my grief
    Do not gaze so incredulous
    with your stares of disbelief!
    I admit; you all did warn me
    that never would she stay
    and it's true, she left just memories
    of all our yesterdays

    Like a life spent at the traffic lights;
    I feel I've got nowhere
    whilst a girl gave me her love;
    long since beyond repair
    Time ravaged on us both
    and caused her love to fade
    Friends, behold my tears;
    a lonely fool here on parade!

    She wrapped me in loves blanket;
    sadly since become unfurled
    and now I find no comfort;
    no comfort in this world
    No more nights of romance,
    kisses witnessed by the stars
    and though Time may mend my heart
    I shall always feel the scars

    So do not fall into misfortune
    learn from my mistake:
    let love into your heart
    for empty hearts can only ache
    Though love may ebb and flow
    like the turning of the tide
    Be wary of the currents,
    should you swim the Sea of Pride

    Yes Time keeps marching on
    ignoring dreams and beliefs
    and standing here before you
    affords me no relief
    But forgive my being dull;
    speaking only of myself
    Now a toast to you, my friends:
    "Here is to your health!"

    Submitted on 2006-03-13 11:30:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Though this piece has its sad cover, I can't help but feel jubilant undertones in the way it's written. Almost like a nursery rhyme whimsy to it.

    I love your descriptions and the way you pour the meaning fully upon the reader which no doubt can feel the pain of such a heartbreaking occasion.

    This was more than lovely, a favorite for the books.

    | Posted on 2006-04-05 00:00:00 | by SorrelsReality | [ Reply to This ]
      This is quite well written. The pain that you depict in this can be understood by so many, yet so few can find that pain. I love your works they show me whole new descriptions of motions I have written on and felt. I continue to be awed by your works of art.
    | Posted on 2006-04-05 00:00:00 | by sageeriol | [ Reply to This ]
      My friend this poem I actually find quite beautiful
    You are reaching out with your heart to others venturing into Love
    I really like and respect that
    Very Good Write

    By the way Thank You for the comments You gave me
    My Friend I would never take what someone says the wrong way
    I appreciate that you took the time to comment on my work
    I take what you said very serious and will definately consider it in the future
    Please keep in touch
    God Bless
    | Posted on 2006-04-04 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      A beautiful, but sad love story written brilliantly!
    Kept the reader captivated and longing for a happy ending.
    Made ones heart go out for the man in this write. May he find love once again!
    | Posted on 2006-03-29 00:00:00 | by AlabamaFarmGirl | [ Reply to This ]
      I have nothing really to say except this is a really great write.

    I like the way u weaved into a party between friends, it was like you are telling them a story, not just rambling about a lost love and feeling sorry for urself.

    The only thing you regret is the empty heart...
    I like the simplicity and the innovation in this.

    Keep it up
    | Posted on 2006-03-19 00:00:00 | by babyblue002 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very good poem. I enjoyed reading this one. I got a kick out of the description here and it made me curious to see what was going to transpire in the poem. I couldnt help but smile at some parts even though this is a heartbreak kinda write but the satire here is great. Usually you think of these kinds of toasts as happy and life long kinda blah blah blah but you really made this into something really very good and entertaining as well. Your rhyme and flow are perfect. The words really just rolled right off the tongue from one line to the next. Nothing but good things to say from me. A very good poem. Take care.

    | Posted on 2006-03-17 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      You know there is so much emotion in this poem,I am really impressed by it. It kept my attention throughout the entire poem and that is a hard thing to do especially on a poem this long. No doubt it is an instant fav and I gonna vote it pretty darn cool because I liked it so much. You painted such a sad picture here but you did it so well, so, Pat yourself on the back and be proud of this one!

    | Posted on 2006-03-17 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought the opening stanza really took one's attention and the end lines compliment them
    I think these lines are great

    Like a life spent at the traffic lights;
    I feel I've got nowhere

    but some of the later stanzas aren't so strong and lines like

    and though Time may mend my heart
    I shall forever feel the scars

    could be trimmed without too much loss, it would make those strong lines seem even stronger.
    love and peace

    | Posted on 2006-03-16 00:00:00 | by comradenessie | [ Reply to This ]
      I too, thought the length was long at first glance.. but then, I got so caught up in your poem that I hardly noticed. The rhyming is hardly noticeable as well and makes it read much easier. Good writing.

    You brought everything out so decriptively. The man's emotional state; his regrets and longing.
    You have a great opening stanza, and all that follows fits so well together.

    There are a few spots that didn't hold the rhythm but overall this is a wonderful piece.

    I enjoy all your posts.

    Be careful... your talent is showing.

    Here's to Love!

    ..and good writing.
    | Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this one. Funny yet very serious. I like the idea of the toastmaster spending his time telling everyone about his problems. To me this was as funny as it gets. And the details make you just want to buy this poor fellow a drink, as if he needs anymore, lol.
    Over all a pleasent experience. I especially liked the ending.
    | Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by Man in Black | [ Reply to This ]
      Ah, you cynical romantic you! You must have channeled "The Wedding Singer" into this glimpse of self absorbed misery masquerading as a warning to all the married/soon to be married hoarde. This toast has less to do with'she done him wrong' and much more to do with 'he done her wrong and got burned for his troubles'; no doubt there's an undertone of denial as to meting out blame proportionally to both halves of the toastmaster's trainwreck lovelife that paints this piece as a tragedy, not a comedy. Well done, sir! Take care of yourself, Jay. Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Jay,

    Long time no seen. How have you been? I just had to read this piece cause it was an inspiration to have this love in our hands. Now that i have read the piece, i look back at the title and realize that this poem is indeed about toasting and telling a story that shows this need to love.

    I think that you have structured this piece with purity and inspiration. It's almost amazing to watch such length has been written and yet noticing that it is complete and says everything that needs to be said. I haven't even noticed the length. That's how good this piece really is. And the structure is also amazing. You have used the rhyme system and i haven't even noticed it until the last stanza. The flow just went amazingly well. I have nothing much to complain with.

    The idea behind it is also inspirational. on most times, drunk people realize the truth better than those who are sobber and their tears are more openly spoken than those who keep this sorrow inside and torture themselves over it. Maybe it was a time to celebrate that he got drunk and it was a perfect opportunity who haven't screwed up yet to look at this love and never let it go because it is so precious and worth having.

    Your piece overall, is amazing. I had such joy reading this. Congrads. Hope to talk to you soon again.
    Take care...
    | Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      The opening four lines really grabbed me and compelled me to read on. Love does seem to be the catalyst for drinking, 9 times out of 10.
    I liked the way you used the words "swallow melancholic words" to describe getting inebriated. In the third group of lines, I admire the creative way you described not having made any progress in the love relationship by writing "like a life spent at the traffic lights". Overall, it reminded me of the movie "the Wedding Singer" and like the character in that movie, I got the sense that the one proposing this toast was disillusioned but there is still a small hope that love will come to him again and this time he will get it right. :)
    | Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by BLee | [ Reply to This ]
      Your words are moving to fate. for i have been there and Yet i linger but knows its still not to late. Thank u for the kind reminder of still another date yes its true its never to late. However the scars still hold there fate but shant be long i can hardly wait . I will be more open minded and try not to drown Gannondalf aka the clown. I never really thought about a pome of such occurence perhapes in the future i will tell my own version thanks for the words that summed it up well
    | Posted on 2006-04-11 00:00:00 | by Gannondalf | [ Reply to This ]
      wow. you've definitely got the flow in this one down quite nicely.

    i loved the rhyming you've used in this. a lot of times i find rhyming to sound rather elementary but i dont think it took away from this piece. i think it helped it!

    i kind of thought the ending was kind of commical. ...here this guy is giving a toast and all he is doing is sitting there and dwelling and then he changes it up a the end and say here is to your health...i dont know thought it was kinda funny.

    but everything you said in this is so true. ...and i think it can hit home for a lot of people. i'm sure a lot of people have felt this way. ..and you've done a great job of capturing the feeling with words. and i like that it is in the form of a toast. i thought that was unique and different. ..

    i liked this one a lot. i think im going to add it to my favorites!
    | Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by vintagepepper | [ Reply to This ]

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