Eternal Love by lostpoet25

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Submission Name: Eternal Love dots

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Author:	lostpoet25
ASL Info:	25/m/Illinois
Elite Ratio:	4.01 - 36/36/8
Words:	159

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	230
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	981

Description:
Well, I've never been too good at writing love poems, so let me know what you think. I was inspired to write this piece after reading the poem missing you, which is on this site.

Eternal Love dots

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The cool breeze of a summer day
brushes against our heated skin.
Upon the dew-soaked grass intertwined we lay,
oour passion, now spent, becomes dormant again.
Yet the loving touch of your fingertips
a mere kiss from your soft sensuous lips
reawakens the ever burning desires within
engaging us in a battle sometimes patience must win.
So I hold you close in my embrace
the contours of your body my fingertips trace.
I want you to know my love will remain true
long after the pass of summers gentle hue,
for my heart and yours share the same beat
your love for me is such an unbelievable treat.
I'll keep you happy forever and a day,
please you in bed as together we lay.
When I drift off to sleep, I dream only of you,
our souls have merged, now no longer two.
Eternally content in the love we share,
happiness and joy as long as you are near.

Submitted on 2006-03-13 14:47:59 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  This is lovely. A great love poem.

Yet the loving touch of your fingertips
a mere kiss from your soft sensuous lips
reawakens the ever burning desires within
engaging us in a battle sometimes patience must win.

This was so beautiful. You did a wonderful job...
| Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
  you say your not good at writting love poems, but i think this write was good. as i read through your write, i didn't care if your rhyming pattern was erractic in the the first reading. when i first read it, it made me tingle as the images you conveyed to me through your words made me think of my love. i thought i felt him near me as i was reading. i too, am heart broken, but yet i still love that person who broke my heart. i still think of him dearly even if he might not know.

overall a good write

suzi
| Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by sushi wok | [ Reply to This ]
  Ok i would have to agree with a few of the comments here...and i wouldnt say this doesnt speak of love whatsoever...i think that it describes a certain part of love...but overall dare i say that i feel the poem is more about lust or at least that is how it reads to me...stormy
| Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]
  The imagery was very well done, but I do have an issue over the overall flow of the poem... As maggie mentioned, its because of the erratic rhyming... It was difficult to maintain a "cinematic view" of the poem when there's invisible stop-starts around it... :P You might want to work on the rhythm...
| Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by unREMb | [ Reply to This ]
  I thought this a excellant piece on Love, specially when you don't as a rule write love poems, I liked the line I'll keep you happy forever and a day,I'm not sure what others call and orignal poem because as for as I'm concerned this is original piece keep up the good works looking forward to reading more of your stuff
adnil
| Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by adnil | [ Reply to This ]
  I have found out, the hard way, that it is rare to find good love poems from people who are not truly in love...and it is hard to get a good critique when so many people have their heart broken.

I do have my heart broken...but i tried to put that aside..but it is a good thing that i am not angry at the one who broke my heart...i love her dearly...and unfortunately...the ache wont be going away any time soon...

but enough about me...this piece reminds me distictly of how i feel about her...although this piece didn't seem completely orignial( because so many have writen on it before and because it didn't have the flair of coming from personal experience)i still enjoyed it and am glad you took the time to write and post it.

i have read the poem miss you..and you might want to tell the author that you wrote this because of that poem..they might enjoy reading it.

good luck and keep writting...i hope you get more comments on this piece.

xoxox
me
p.s. come by and check out some of my stuff...i have a variety..love, death, suicide, mutiflation, passion and longing. thank you.
| Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by 2Numb | [ Reply to This ]
  I think your chose of wording was very good here. But your rhyme pattern was erractic. Your flow was good, but was thrown off with the changed rhyme flow. As for the content, this was beautiful and showed wonderfully a love that endures all. I think you did good, if you don't normally write love poems. Overall, very good.

Maggie
| Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]

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