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Phantasmagoria


Author: Poly Jean
ASL Info:    31/f/FarAway
Elite Ratio:    4.46 - 382 /259 /68
Words: 106
Class/Type: Poetry /Passion
Total Views: 1590
Average Vote:    4.0000
Bytes: 814



Description:


I think I’m turning in to a desperate scribbler.


Phantasmagoria




It’s like the wave
from inside and below
that will rip my heart apart.
I can’t stand this affection
this one-sided connection
tempting me, too ferociously
crashing and molding me
in to this amalgam
Of blood and despair.

It’s like the snake
from inside and below
that will bring my will down.
I can’t stand this lust
this self-blinding trust
seducing me, too addictively
possessing and dragging me
in to this fog
of carnality and loneliness.

You, my muse, my siren
you, my life-revealing myth
fear-taking and heart-aching
with your sweet-addictive obscure hope,
you are cutting me
off from reality.






Submitted on 2006-03-13 15:08:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  A potent and most frenetic piece of writing... a fine and lyrical poem with good rhyme...either an excellent poem about your poetical Muse, or a metaphor that may tear you, literally, asunder.... bravo... bravo... bravo...
| Posted on 2008-09-02 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
  that poem is very interesting and very unique ur wording was exquisite. and it kinda went over my head but i liked it nevertheless!
I read it three times before I really grasped what you were saying. I hope that someday i can write like you!
I really like these lines
"You, my muse, my siren
you, my life-revealing myth
fear-taking and heart-aching
with your sweet-addictive obscure hope
i can really relate to some of the things ur talking about in this poem! keep up the good work.
| Posted on 2006-04-28 00:00:00 | by emb_er77 | [ Reply to This ]
  wow do i get a turn. very good at putting into words how others feel. For that turmoil drumb can beat us numb or lightin our flow of uncontrolled. yes an inspiring piece.
| Posted on 2006-04-11 00:00:00 | by Gannondalf | [ Reply to This ]
  Terrific! Loved it! This reaches into everyone's heart. We've all been there, felt that internal anguish, longing, lust, love...call it what you will. Can anyone express it better? You've done a terrific job of laying it out for all of us to feel once again.

One small thing, last line, could you make it "off (from) reality", It just reads better to me.

I like this enough to FAV it, which is to say I felt something reading it, something good. Just a really gritty poem.

Phil
| Posted on 2006-04-05 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
  A very powerful write indeed!

The structure of the poem was good, with various experimentations with the rhyming going on. I personally liked it. The imagery was original and varied. However, I feel the diction of this poem could be improved towards the end. Alternatively, some background information on the nature of this poem could be helpful.

Well done. You are clearly talented.
| Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by HansRik | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, this is so intense!
I love it! Not that I could say the things you said, the way you said them, but it's almost like you are speaking for me in this piece. It's kinda eerie when it seems people are in your head.
I really don't have anything constructive to add to this.
Very nice work!
Nicely
| Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]
  You, my muse, my siren
you, my life-revealing myth
fear- taking and heart- aching
with your sweet-addictive obscure hope,
you are cutting me
off reality.

I love this portion of your poem. Who among us can say they've never felt like this? That they were so entranced by someone that everything in their lives turned into a dedication to this person. That all of your work becomes about them. It's crazy, but it's the way these things work. Great job!
| Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
  This was really great..the title through me off and i almost didn't read it..but i did...

first off, i know what you mean about "turning in to a desperate scribbler"...i'm already there...so it makes me interested in your piece even more so.

secondly...this poem is almost exactly how i am feeling right now..except im battling death too. well keep writting doll.

i love the way you wrtie. only truly good writers can make an ending and the beginning..just as good...but a great writer can carry on without tire and make it good all the way through.

You, my dear, are a great writter..at least in this piece..i will have to come by and check out more of your stuff to really know.

and don't worry about "turning in to a desperate scribbler"...borderline insanity makes good poetry...just go with it.

xoxox
me

p.s.come by and check out some of my pieces and i will gladly return the favor.
| Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by 2Numb | [ Reply to This ]
  This was really great..the title through me off and i almost didn't read it..but i did...

first off, i know what you mean about "turning in to a desperate scribbler"...i'm already there...so it makes me interested in your piece even more so.

secondly...this poem is almost exactly how i am feeling right now..except im battling death too. well keep writting doll.

i love the way you wrtie. only truly good writers can make an ending and the beginning..just as good...but a great writer can carry on without tire and make it good all the way through.

You, my dear, are a great writter..at least in this piece..i will have to come by and check out more of your stuff to really know.

and don't worry about "turning in to a desperate scribbler"...borderline insanity makes good poetry...just go with it.

xoxox
me

p.s.come by and check out some of my pieces and i will gladly return the favor.
| Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by 2Numb | [ Reply to This ]
  This was really great..the title through me off and i almost didn't read it..but i did...

first off, i know what you mean about "turning in to a desperate scribbler"...i'm already there...so it makes me interested in your piece even more so.

secondly...this poem is almost exactly how i am feeling right now..except im battling death too. well keep writting doll.

i love the way you wrtie. only truly good writers can make an ending and the beginning..just as good...but a great writer can carry on without tire and make it good all the way through.

You, my dear, are a great writter..at least in this piece..i will have to come by and check out more of your stuff to really know.

and don't worry about "turning in to a desperate scribbler"...borderline insanity makes good poetry...just go with it.

xoxox
me

p.s.come by and check out some of my pieces and i will gladly return the favor.
| Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by 2Numb | [ Reply to This ]
  This was very well worded. I guess it is hard when someone has control over you emotionally, especially if you like the feeling. That's what I get from this poem. I loved your use of imagery and I also think that your ending was very good. Overall, very good.

Maggie
| Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow very powerfull i loved your wording and teh structuire.. almost perfect(i dont believe in perfection)... so nice write i hope you continue writing for the readers´ good...
well
if you have achence please take a look to my last writing ..
peace and love!
and take care!
Victor
| Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]
  Oh, I like this style a great deal! You mix in rhymes in a deceptively casual fashion, and use your lines to build pace very well.

I read this as a kind of half-wry lament about the addictiveness of escape into fantasy, or into emotion, that the best writers always suffer
from. It could work as a relationship also but that's not where my head's going right now.

What do you think of a change in the third line to "that will rip my apart my heart", to lift your rhythm there a bit? Only a tiny change, I can't think of anything else, since I'm stuck in the words and happy to be here.
| Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by Fantastic Freya | [ Reply to This ]
  it rolls out so easy! affection one sided connection...nice!

only a couple of suggestions....

last line i would change to "off from reality"...and maybe there is too much space between your hyphenated words? This is nitpicking in the extreme though. I love this poem.
| Posted on 2006-04-04 00:00:00 | by Senna27NZ | [ Reply to This ]
  very nice! love your word choices and the addiction metaphor. love seems to be that way for some of us! I've been thinking all day about my last obsession (that apparently I am still thinking about!). excellent poem you have here. go ahead and be desperate about scribbling--it helps get rid of the other stuff!
| Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]


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