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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Olivia Mykoladots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: nightxassassin
    Elite Ratio:    1.98 - 51/43/26
    Words: 289
    Class/Type: Story/Passion
    Total Views: 163
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1734



    Description:
       I think this is a good name for the story if you have any ideas just tell me


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOlivia Mykoladots
    -------------------------------------------


    Milk white moths with tattered wings swarmed around the small secluded basement. It wasnt known for sure how many people knew of this secret place in the Mykol house. But seventy-six years after the Holocaust, whoever knew was now dieseced.
    Gold and red jewely boxes stood it rat droppings and piles of dust, probably still waiting for thier owner. Priceless jewles spilled out on the floor, looking like a mess instead of priceless items.
    A beautiful doll, looking out of place next to all the treasures, sat.
    The doll had chesnaut brown wavy hair, that delicately fell around its shoulders.
    Light blue eyes that seemed to look out at nothing, but yet they seemed to gleam with decades of hate, shined. Red lips that seemed to be glued into a sneer.
    She wore a velvet red dress, that was boreded with silver lace, now tinted yellow with age.

    Around her neck gleamed a hand made necklace. The necklace was of the purest silver, a blood-red ruby in the middle matching her dress perfectly.
    Somehow the doll seemed alive in its own strange way. Its features were so realistic.....
    Its eyes so real.....
    A bullet sounded upstairs.

    "If you dont pay for what you take, stuff like this tends to happen." A buff man said in a deep russian accent.
    A skinny man with light blonde hair ran to where his brother lay on the floor a bullet right where his nose started.
    He sputterd, tears filling his small mouth. He tied to say something, but what could he say?
    He and his brother had took some drugs from the russian mafia to sell. Instead of selling the weed 'dissapeared', and they to would.






    Submitted on 2006-03-13 16:52:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      iNTERESTING
    | Posted on 2007-01-17 00:00:00 | by BrokenAngelKat | [ Reply to This ]
      kitty, i love the way you do description, but at the wonderfull story about the doll and the breath-taking description of it, the russian mafia story is rudely intruding!like listening to a song by blind guardian and you're listening and listening and everything is perfect... and BANG-polka! that's not pretty... Maybe you should take it of and proceed with the doll story... who knows... it might come to life!

    BUT! that is only if the story has no where else to go. if you plan on making more chapters, then it's fine, as long as you make with an explanation why the doll and the brothers are connected. maybe a lost sister... or the sister is in the body of the doll.... im just slapping things that come to my twisted mind right now....pay no attention, but still!
    the bottom line is, everything's fine as long as the stories have a good connection bit or, if not, as long as they're put like two different stories. and you're perfectly talented.
    j
    | Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by ParLon | [ Reply to This ]
      i love how discriptive you were it made the poem come alive and the ending seem to fit even more so..very good job allthough i did have a bit of a proble with the last line it didnt seem to come out right...maybe im just tired
    | Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by Amanda Lynn | [ Reply to This ]
      Very interesting poem, continue topush and challenge yourself to try new and interesting ideas in your pieces.
    | Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by Martin S. Allen | [ Reply to This ]



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