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The Week You Were Mine

Author: BleedingTears
ASL Info:    16/f/Neverland
Elite Ratio:    4.06 - 418 /289 /62
Words: 112
Class/Type: Poetry /Passion
Total Views: 740
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 676


I know its kinda like 'because we're together'
but i dunno.
i want honest opinions.
i know this isnt my greatest, but...thats what i got.

The Week You Were Mine

I had butterflies.
I had smiles and laughter.
I was never cold when it was freezing.
I was never wet when it was raining.
I jumped with joy to see you.
I tried so hard to keep you.
I melted when you smiled.
I floated when you laughed.
I knew I was something when you held me.
I felt beautiful,
I felt invinsible.
It felt like nothing could stop us.
I thought we were never ending.
You gave a kiss that made my heart stop,
and a hug that kept me warm.
This week you belonged to me.
This week will never end.
But I don't think this week has even started.

Submitted on 2006-03-13 17:14:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
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4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  thats was cute. nice job. i liked it, i wish i felt like that for someone. i enjoyed it. u r a very good writer.
| Posted on 2007-08-19 00:00:00 | by SickOfHurting U | [ Reply to This ]
  awh, it's so cute, when i first saw my now boyfriend for the first time two years ago, this is exactly how i felt! great write!
love ya
| Posted on 2007-02-16 00:00:00 | by babygirl09 | [ Reply to This ]
  awww this makes me think of my past relationship, i loved being with him, he made me a very happy person, and it is true, when someone you love hugs you, you think theres a brick wall there and no ones going to stop it. i really liked it,

| Posted on 2007-01-15 00:00:00 | by Kimmy | [ Reply to This ]
  Love was shown well throught this piece. And its true that in the arms of your "true" love you can never be cold. Isn't it something how a hug from a lover can instantly warm the soul and melt the heart?

"I felt invinsible"
That line....
something about it.. But I can't quite put my finger on it...
Did this line derive from some tramatic experiance you had, maybe life threataning? Oh well... "I felt invinsible"....
Keep it up!
| Posted on 2006-11-16 00:00:00 | by D.C.M. | [ Reply to This ]
  I don't mind this peice being fairly cliché, it made me smile, and think about what love is, and you truthfully represented that feeling. Thanks for the warm fuzzyness!

-Love is like a coin, it goes through many needless exchanges
| Posted on 2006-10-03 00:00:00 | by Guermo | [ Reply to This ]
  Like OrionsStorm said, the last line does seem somewhat out of place... you've portrayed personal (?) feelings of love quite well, but once again, as Epiphany said, kind of cliché, but that's not too big of a deal in your case. Good job!
| Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by Stygian | [ Reply to This ]
this is quite the love-struck poem...not very complex or terribly intriguing but it is a sweet innocent poem conveying the emotions of someone who loses him/herself within her love. I don’t think the problem that keeps this poem from being great is the topic, I think it is the way you say it. How many times have we heard love told this way?...Too many. You should ask yourself: What makes your love different then anyone else’s? Why should the reader waste his time reading about a love that resembles so many others? Just a suggestion, Thanks for the write
| Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by Versifier | [ Reply to This ]
  i really like this piece. is it about who i think its about? if so, maybe you should them. it could only help your situation. i like this poem because you didnt conform it to the normal way of writing.(doesnt really have a rhyme scheme) this is a really nice piece of work...keep it up.
| Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by kession | [ Reply to This ]
  it was really excellent, exxcept for the last didn't flow very well...consider revising it...excellent work nonetheless.

| Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by OrionsStorm | [ Reply to This ]
  well, I can say that however you did it, you succesfuly conveyed that delirious ecstasy that knows nothing and cares about nothing, but is just swept up in its own madly rushing flood.
it reminded me that there is still some happiness in the world....nice work!
| Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by marigold | [ Reply to This ]
  This was ok - a little cliché' but that's how love makes you feel sometimes - I'm glad you have someone who gives you these warm and inviting and secure feelings!
love,peace,joy&smilez 2 share
| Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

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