Dare to Grow by lostpoet25

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Submission Name: Dare to Grow dots

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Author:	lostpoet25
ASL Info:	25/m/Illinois
Elite Ratio:	4.01 - 36/36/8
Words:	156

Class/Type:	Poetry/Society
Total Views:	132
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	995

Description:
I wrote this while thinking about how no one seems willing to push themselves or offer a helping hand without getting something in return.

Dare to Grow dots

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Where today can truth be found
in this world where lies abound?
Deception dwells among us now.
What joy in life do we allow?
Barricaded, behind a wall,
built to last, never to fall.
Hidden meanings forever chased.
On what today is our world based?
Illusions of the truth are shown.
Seeds of contempt are being sown.
Is there no one who is real?
Have we all truly ceased to feel?
Caring not for others pain,
simply living life in vain.
Absorbed completely, solely in self.
Never bothering to offer help,
unless of course from it we gain.
Even then we feel no shame.
If ever the truth were known,
we would realize no one has grown.
Fear keeps us each in our own cage.
We allow none in, nor can we leave,
if only we dared to unfurl our wings.
Give ourselves up to the future,
both the good and the bad
whatever life brings.

Submitted on 2006-03-13 22:12:49 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Actually i disagree, the ending was my favorite part...i think that having it so structured in couplet rhyming and then lettin it break apart like that made it stronger...it wasnt at all forced...
"Fear keeps us each in our own cage.
We allow none in, nor can we leave,
if only we dared to unfurl our wings.
Give ourselves up to the future,
both the good and the bad
whatever life brings."
MMMMMM! good stuff.
society is not my topic, but i read it anyways because it was you! lol. and this was alright. it was forced at first..but it portraid the message really well. i recommend going to losing_focus..it rae's page and she writes about society.
xoxo
me
| Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by 2Numb | [ Reply to This ]
  I thought this was very good but feel it needs a stronger ending. It sort of lost energy at the end. but otherwise it's got great flow and your rhyming is right on. I like the subject matter too and have to agree with you on your observations. of course, I've been disillusioned for years!
| Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, a very direct and to the point poem about lack of compassion among us. Yes, we tend to look for a reward after givivng, and won't unless there is one. You spoke truth and one can not fault you for it. I had trouble with your last 3 lines...they kinda veered off from your flow you kept going so well. And they did not, in my opinion, really bring a grand finale of a ending. I think overall, this was good. And you had some strong lines that stood out and made me the reader, read in awe. Overall, this was really good.

Maggie
| Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]

Interesting… this sounds like it would be pretty good for slam poetry. Its rough, blunt, and to the point. I don’t think its very classical or traditional but that’s just my preferences. What I think could use some work is its originality… I can see you trying to be enlightening but I just can’t feel it. You have too many overused rhetorical questions and concepts: “built to last, never to fall” and “Is there no one who is real?” I think you are posing ideas that have been posed too often. I don’t think that is going to capture as good as questions and ideas that we havnt heard of, or not so much haven’t heard of but mundane idea we haven’t thought of in that way. The line I do favor is " Seeds of contempt are being sown.” Because it a thought that I have never thought of…seeds as in the future being smothered inn contempt, great and original image….well thanks for the post
| Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by Versifier | [ Reply to This ]

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