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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Unrecognized Illusiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lostpoet25
    ASL Info:    25/m/Illinois
    Elite Ratio:    4.01 - 36/36/8
    Words: 149
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 154
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1016



    Description:
       Okay let me know what you think of it now. Not sure if this makes it better than it was, but am willing to see what you think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Unrecognized Illusiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    Look out upon vast open skies,
    see the etrnal night
    Do you even dare open your eyes
    to see the endless fight?
    A bitter struggle of life and death
    only ends when there's nothing left.
    A void...complete emptiness,
    an unending reign of silence.
    Perceive the mass of swirling colors
    forming a vague image,
    corrupt in the eyes of many
    lost in the hearts of men.
    In an instant it all dissolves,
    and you feel as though
    you have awakened from a dream.
    Twisted reality is broght to bear,
    life has become your greatest fear.
    The future seems dim, hopeless,
    the concept of our world is hate
    we breed it into newborn souls.
    Suddenly, the illusion vanishes,
    exposing a gap in reality,
    for if the truth were known,
    in this life of hidden agendas
    deceit is everything,
    and that vague image, that illusion
    well, it's the only thing we know.




    Submitted on 2006-03-13 23:08:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      i have to agree with them, i do have to say that line 13 does kind of go into its own poem y itself, maybe you should change the wording around but keep the same thought in mind, also i believe that the gramatical errors take away from the meaning if you could fix that then it would be great. all together it is a good poem but kind of goes off hand. take care.

    courtney
    | Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by in_a_trap | [ Reply to This ]
      I feel line 13 as well changed into a new poem on it's own. I think that you want to send the message we leave in a world were we ignore the obvious and live with lies. This was very dark and seem to give a sense of urgency to the reader for change. I think your wording was very good and the imagery was masterful. Overall, good job.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      The flow of the poem was great until line 13, where "Abruptly..." everything suddenly changed from there. From that point it seemed that I was reading an entirely new poem. More could have been done to smoothen this transition. The overall feel of the poem is very dark, with the writer leaving little room for hope. Maybe it's just me, but I always believe that having some shimmer of hope within a poem always makes it read much better. Overall, your choice of words is superb, and the imagery great. *Thumbs up*
    | Posted on 2006-03-13 00:00:00 | by unREMb | [ Reply to This ]



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