The Elegy of the Lovers by HansRik

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Submission Name: The Elegy of the Lovers dots

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Author:	HansRik
ASL Info:	19/male/United Kingdom
Elite Ratio:	5.93 - 78/55/9
Words:	192

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	257
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1244

Description:
The poem plays with half-rhymes and full rhymes to show the difference in the perception of love managed through the poem.

The Elegy of the Lovers dots

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I cannot say in words how much I've loved
For words help not t'express the lover's wish.
Canst thou not see the pain of being unloved?
Or more the languid dolence we anguish?

Now I have lost yon opportunity,
The fire of love has burned this heart of mine
Crying, waning, yonder atrocities
Committed for love, for this thought of thine.

But I shall make myself an oak that stands
Upon thy doors and howls thy name fore'er.
And nevermore this pain will understand,
The love I have for thee, my dear girl.

The hills that sing and dream about thy love
Think not that they shall be eroded, yea,
The willows chant their elegy forgone,
And rot in fetid, rancid ideals.

And walkest thou in vainest thoughts and lies,
Laughing at the trees and hills that, for you, died.
Waiting for mine heart to expire its last sighs.

How beautiful thou seem'st outside,
The sun is but a phantom by thy side.

But nay!

Thy soul is cruel and cold, like the darkest night.

©© 2005
(Hans Rik- nom de plume)

Submitted on 2006-03-14 06:14:46 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Question: Do oaks howl? I love the doublespeak, I feel as if I can compare and contrast this poem until daylight tomorrow. I think the old english could a little over used in a way, maybe a little forced. All in all this is a great poem. If you want something like it, check out R+J Hauntings on my page.
| Posted on 2007-03-29 00:00:00 | by Waywarddaughter | [ Reply to This ]
  God, I love the language in this. Old English is beautiful, is it not?

This was a lovely poem and I liked the...duality of the words you chose, if that makes any sense. Good job.

Rae
| Posted on 2006-03-27 00:00:00 | by losing_focus | [ Reply to This ]
  Well this is a very good poem. I really like how you used old english. I think that's a great way to do a love poem, it seems to be so classic.

Have a great day!
Great job.

Kim
| Posted on 2006-03-17 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]
  I loved the shakespearen sonnets. I have never read anything quite like this, but that it what has made it unique. I loved how you set this up...ryhming, not ryhming. It made me feel almost euphoric because I almost felt loved. Great write, and I hope that you keep it up!
~Alyssa~
| Posted on 2006-03-16 00:00:00 | by alcoholcaust | [ Reply to This ]
  Very nice. Only I just personally have a hard time with the "old english" type writing. I just can't get past all the cliché' surrounding it with poetry.. You have done this well though, better than I could ever do... impressive.
| Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by manicsmuse | [ Reply to This ]
  I concur with Emerging Soul. But I also think you did a great job with your old english wording. It had a feel of reading a play or a sonnet. I think you alos gave many hearts a flutter with all that talk about true love that endures even death. Great flow, and powerful imagery. Welcome to Elite.

Maggie
| Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
  Your rhyming in this seems very random...sometimes it is there, other times it is not...sometimes it is the second and fourth lines, other times it is the first and third...and no pattern to the difference...

Otherwise, an interesting and challenging write...
| Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by Emerging Soul | [ Reply to This ]
  Oh, I like it. It's got shades of Shakespearean sonnets. It's a bit different than what you typically read on here, and that's good.

But I shall make myself an oak that stands
Upon thy doors and howls thy name fore'er.
And nevermore this pain will understand,
The love I have for thee, my dear girl.

I think that was my favorite part. I also like the last line a lot. Good job...
| Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]

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