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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Leave Me Alonedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 152
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 638
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 954



    Description:
       I was very angry last night...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLeave Me Alonedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Why don't you just go away
    And leave me the fuck alone
    I'm tired of the bullshit and the games
    It's gone on far too long
    Unwrap your greedy fingers
    From around my heart
    Remove your hands from my thighs
    You'll never pry them apart
    Stop whispering in my ear
    Go ahead and go away
    Turn your pretty smile towards someone else
    It's not going to make me stay.
    Yes, maybe I once belonged to you,
    But it was your choice to let me go
    You stomped on my heart repeatedly
    And I never told you no.
    But I'm tired of trying to make you happy
    It's not my concern anymore
    I'm not going to be your punching bag
    I'm not going to be your whore.
    So why don't you just go away
    And leave me the fuck alone
    Go home to your precious love
    Go to hell where you belong...




    Submitted on 2006-03-14 09:06:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Unwrap your greedy fingers
    From around my heart
    Remove your hands from my thighs
    You'll never pry them apart

    I love that part. Although it seems very painful and angry... a bit angsty... I like it. Maybe once you've calmed down you could look back over it and tone down on the harsh words... it's ok to be angry, but try to beautify it... be angry in an imaginative way. Tell us exactly how this person hurt you... not just that he stomped on your heart... what did he do that made you feel like your heart had been stomped on?

    -x- Candie
    | Posted on 2006-03-24 00:00:00 | by teenage_dirtbag | [ Reply to This ]
      *whistles* nice little rant! a good display of anger, and I liked the rhyming, it helped your spite flow along nicely.

    I think it would benefit from a couple of line breaks, mainly to give the reader a rest and let it sink in a tiny bit, maybe three stanzas.

    i really liked it tho, most rants like this don't really cut it, this is good

    be happy

    graeme
    | Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      I would like to shout that out to my ex girlfriend.
    JK unfortunately I still love the girl, it was a nice little read, easy to understand. If you have time I would be greatful if you check out some of my works.
    | Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by dustinamoody | [ Reply to This ]
      Looks like you have had enough! I think that you made your anger crystal clear nad the point was made that this person is no longer welcomed in your life. I could in my past relationships relate to this. I think the in your face wording was perfect to express the degree of your anger and it cut no corners about chance of forgivness. Good flow and bluntness. All and all, this was damn good.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      oh wow. That has so much anger in it. Which is good, poems with anger is a lot better(and if i have some very bad typos, sorry, i am as blind as a bat and i don't have my glasses on). Your poem shows that whatever that person did, it was very bad, because you were very pissed. Like i said, poems with a lot of anger is bery good and your poem was very good.

    ~*~katara~*~
    | Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by daughterofdeath | [ Reply to This ]
      I can relate to this poem in many ways even though my situation is much different. I can relate to the anger, the frustration, the being tired of being the one to always cater to the other person at the sacrifice of one's own best interests.

    I hope that you stay strong after the anger subsides.
    | Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by Emerging Soul | [ Reply to This ]


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