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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: It Cannot Help Boiled Downdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Cigarz
    ASL Info:    35/M/NH
    Elite Ratio:    4.76 - 258/183/50
    Words: 233
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 250
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1620



    Description:
       These are the strongest stanzas from the other piece, in my opinion. Curious if they are strong enough to stand on their own.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIt Cannot Help Boiled Downdots
    -------------------------------------------


    My shadow is not a writer like me --
    It does not want to go hungry
    and be ignored.

    It does not require
    a nicotine fix
    or a caffeine break,
    but it does enjoy the warm
    green carpet of the coffee shop
    in late afternoon.

    It cannot remember
    better times.
    It was there,
    but it did not pay attention.

    My shadow has fallen
    in love --
    I can only presume.
    Perhaps several times,
    but it is never
    where it wants to be
    long enough
    to do anything about it.

    It never gets sick
    or pregnant,
    or contract STDs.
    It is annoyed with the weakness
    of my body,
    and that is something I have to accept.

    It cannot avoid
    uncomfortable situations,
    forced to relive the social impropriety
    of falling across
    countless breasts.
    The poor misunderstood bastard
    can feel shame.

    It never argues a point.
    It cannot call out a fool
    for spouting idiotic,
    stupid thoughts and beliefs --
    Though I'm sure it wants to.

    It can get drunk
    by association,
    and it blurs just the smallest bit
    when the alcohol settles in.

    It has never read
    poetry,
    and I suspect it is more
    stable from the lack of the experience.

    My shadow can boil with envy,
    with rage and fire
    that lick at the balls
    of my feet,
    forcing me to pick up
    the pace.




    Submitted on 2006-03-14 14:17:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Hell yeah it stands on its own. I remember reading some of these in your first shadow write and I think you did a fine job of compiling them here. The second to last stanza cracked me up, HA! Nice job with bringing new life to the discard pile Todd.
    | Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      I think is very powerful, and you use the metaphor of the shadow very well. It is also a very original way of looking at it, in my eyes anyway. I like the personification of the shadow, and how it seems very much to be what you want to be, personally. For some reason, I really like the first stanza. I don't know excatly what it is, but there is just something about its simplicity that makes my mind buzz with excitement, if you know what I mean.
    Take Care,
    -Natalia
    | Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by Natalia Petro | [ Reply to This ]
      This write I like
    I see you are examing your inner self
    This is a good thing
    You are a very positive person
    I can only see this inner look at yourself leading to more positive changes
    Great write
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]



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