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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Truth Behind the Liesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lostpoet25
    ASL Info:    25/m/Illinois
    Elite Ratio:    4.01 - 36/36/8
    Words: 119
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 149
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 840



    Description:
       Okay, I welcome all suggestions on how I can improve this poem, especially the end. I'm not quite sure if it fits, so any help is appreciated.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Truth Behind the Liesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A quick flash of distorted images
    converge upon my mind.
    Subtle remiders of faded passions
    lost long ago in time.
    Bitterness creeps slowly in
    as illusions pass my eyes.
    Searching deep within myself
    I read between the lines.
    I see despair where hope is shown.
    I glimpse the pain caused when alone.
    Life is but a cruel deception
    caused by a twist of fate.
    The world, evil since its conception,
    nurtures the seed of hate.
    Unending sorrow shall be endured,
    insanity is a likely end.
    Wrenched from within comes my greatest fear,
    a result I can't quite comprehend.
    Compassion is lost amongst the world
    where cruelty rests its head.
    Know the truth, there's but one escape
    oblivion in death.




    Submitted on 2006-03-14 14:21:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I really feel this is a very powerful piece, and I think it can become even more powerful, with a bit of tweaking. :D One thing I'd suggest, is to divide the poem up into stanzas. By doing this, it makes it easier to read, and you can also put more emphasis on the parts you wish.
    One part I truly like is the following:

    Life is but a cruel deception
    caused by a twist of fate.
    The world, evil since its conception,
    nurtures the seed of hate.

    It really provokes some emotion in me.

    Take Care,
    -Natalia
    | Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by Natalia Petro | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very powerful write
    I too agree that the world is filled with bitter negativity
    When one is able to find the positive to the negative
    Then one can walk peacefully
    It truly is sad that people cannot open their eyes to all the beauty and love the world has
    My biggest dream is that people would realize the answer to world peace is Love
    Its always been there
    God Bless
    Ron

    Please if you get a chance please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    | Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]



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