Rain

Author: Flamequill ASL Info:    17/Male/Sparta Michigan Elite Ratio:    3.42 - 77 /97 /35 Words: 29

Class/Type: Poetry /Misc Total Views: 1189 Average Vote:    No vote yet. Bytes: 200

Description:

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Rain

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Rain Rain please pour down fall from the sky like the tears I cannot shed Rain Rain keep me warm a cold embrace maybe I'll freeze to death

Submitted on 2006-03-14 17:49:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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You know I have no idea how you could end this... but maybe this will help Here I am comparing each line of the stanzas so that you see the parallels Rain Rain Rain Rain ^these 2 are the same... please pour down keep me warm ^these are same (both commands) fall from the sky -action a cold embrace -description I would change these.. maybe the second one could be fall from the sky -action Take me in arms - action maybe I'll freeze to death like the tears I cannot shed I also think you should end last line with "and I wont freeze to death" then you have Rain Rain please pour down fall from the sky like the tears I cannot shed Rain Rain keep me warm take me in arms so I dont freeze to death All in all (no offense) I think that this is lacking substance and you COULD make it alot better.. Amber

| Posted on 2006-03-16 00:00:00 | by PoeticSoul666 | [ Reply to This ]

I like nature poems - be "IT" the nature of man or just nature - rain is very cleansing and you have a decent start. I guess this piece is like mine you just read - sometimes though, as I said, when you post a spontaneous write you or someone usually ends up getting something out of "IT". love,peace,joy&smilez 2 share tif

| Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

it's decent, keep up the work. thoguh in the future I advise you post whole pieces...still, good work, try and add more flavor to it, color and such, otherwise, it seems like it'll turn into another emo thing. Storm

| Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by OrionsStorm | [ Reply to This ]

I think its pretty good so far. You should continue it. It'll get better once you spice it up with more. Good job. inkpen

| Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by inkpen | [ Reply to This ]

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