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Death Has Surely Come


Author: Flamequill
ASL Info:    17/Male/Sparta Michigan
Elite Ratio:    3.42 - 77 /97 /35
Words: 118
Class/Type: Poetry /Depressed
Total Views: 1064
Average Vote:    3.0000
Bytes: 796



Description:


I was typing this in and I realized it's all over the board starting with the third stanza. It's too repettetive, I'm going to edit it on my own, but I wanted to get this on here. And suggestions?


Death Has Surely Come



The fire's buring out my soul
and death is coming quickly
Running toward the light of life
to escape this burning sickness

As fear is eating out my life
and death is coming quickly
desperately flaling in this ocean
trying greatly not to drown

Your anger is suffocatiing, taking all my breath
and death is coming quickly
choking coughing clenching
at the neck that you are gripping

Pain is murdering my body
and death is still quickly coming
the blood's gushing out of wounds
the ones we tried to heal

The chemist gave me the chance
and death is quickly coming
as I take the pills of the end
then Death has surely come....




Submitted on 2006-03-14 18:08:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  The third stanza was Kick.. It was my favorite, but the last one needs to be changed Pronto okay, way to go here. I like d it decently
| Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by SavedDragon | [ Reply to This ]
  i liked this piece a lot..it had a really great flow..and you kept the emotion going throughout the entire poem..your wording and description was very vivid..i loved it..i like the way you kept saying "and death is quickly coming"..but instead of saying it in the second line of each stanza maybe you should say it in the last line of each stanza except for the last one ofcourse..the ending was awsome, it just ended it off perfectly..loved this piece with a passion..keep up the great work!
-Lucy-
-Lucy-
| Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ]
  Bravo! This is a very original poem. This is probably the best "death" poem I have ever read. Great wording through the whole thing. It stays strong all the way down. Makes you really want to keep reading. Nice job
inkpen
| Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by inkpen | [ Reply to This ]
  I like this, it was very sequential. You never repeated yourself though you were describing death, or life to an end. I am enthralled you kept the beat going smoothly as well, well I hope to see more of your works. well done.



Till the dragons awaken.
| Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by SavedDragon | [ Reply to This ]


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