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The sign read vacancy.
Yellow, flashing and bold.
An invitation to come in,
sit down, take a load off.
Use all the free anemities,
and steal everything that
isn't bolted down.
I smelled of your cheap promises,
and walked with the memories you stole
then beat me into the ground with.
I cried the tears you gathered in your jars
and poured over me at your will,
because I was empty and needed to be filled.
The sign reads no vacancy now.
This place is all "stocked" up,
with hundreds of renters like you.
Thousands of bags of all your shit
are busting at my seams.
It is sad that all I ever needed to do
was take in the sign
that streached from my heart
then into my mind.
So the words on my head would spell.....
No vacancy asshole.
Go to hell.
| There is a song by Edwin McCain thats called "sign on the door" (off " messenger")and if you are so inclined to listen to that - it really relates to all you are writing here and might help you heal a little bit. (just wanted to pass that little tid-bit of info on to you. (bluesy-great for singing in the car) I thought this one was very well written and wrought with emotion- I really liked it alot- to say I can relate is an understatement- great write! Heather||| Posted on 2006-03-16 00:00:00 | by delusional | [ Reply to This ] || I'm nit-picky...so I have to say that the word is "amenities" not "anemities" and should be "bursting" rather than "busting" and "stretched" instead of "streached".|
Other than that, this was very original and had great imagery. I really like the use of the vacancy/no vacancy sign as a symbolic tool for describing your emotional availability and vulnerability. Highly creative.
The ending was kind of sub-par for the rest of the piece, but was amusing and uplifting in a "You go, girl!" kind of way...LOL
|| Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by Emerging Soul | [ Reply to This ] || Oh, how I enjoyed this one! You are so fluent with blank verse, and this is one example of it. The last two lines are a perfect ending to the insightful write you have submitted.|
I would like to know the context in which you wrote the poem to have a better understanding of its meaning, or you could simply develop your poem further. But I like how you use words to express your rather violent and stark tone.
Also, I like the development of the poem climaxing with the last lines. It is a deep, thoughful poem, and I enjoyed it.
|| Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by HansRik | [ Reply to This ] || Interesting. The emotion shines through and the imagery strong. It was hard at first to get what you were really saying, until the second stanza where you realize that it's really about relationships. You have an interesting style of writing too. I'd say change the title though, it doesn't really fit with the theme of the poem... unless I'm getting this totally differently from how you wrote it!||| Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by unREMb | [ Reply to This ] |