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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Journey From Within...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Kersofmia
    ASL Info:    19/m/Mia
    Elite Ratio:    5.51 - 111/84/44
    Words: 130
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 224
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 814



    Description:
       I moved far away from where I used to live to find myself and change my being. I have made friends but do not hang out with any of them by own choice. This is how I feel about my "Journey From Within." And before anyone asks I am a bartender so I do get out once in a while...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Journey From Within...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I see a man all alone,
    but still he smiles,
    where he lays his head is home,
    but that changes all the while,

    This man has not lost his mind,
    for adaptation happens from within,
    and if you watch him, what you will find,
    that he is a king among men,

    So how would you define isolation?
    empty yearning for another?
    For I believe its a destination,
    That when reached gives more than a lover,

    One can not have anything to give,
    if not happy in solitude,
    because you take from those who live,
    and all those who surround you,

    Once this journey has been met,
    You can give to who you care for,
    And be much more than contempt,
    And love life like never before...




    Submitted on 2006-03-14 21:59:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I don't know why, but I had the picture of residents in a monastery. All the monks are though in community yet they seek that solitude of knowing themselves so they can better serve when called upon to aid.
    Solitude is good at times but it doesn't make one a king. There has been no king in love with solitude.
    | Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]
      As an overall assessment, I would rank this poem as pretty good. When you manage a consistency in ‘line length’ or syllables in each line, it gives a calm impression to the reader; which is very in tune with the content of the write.
    When the lines are more mixed in length on the other hand, it breaks this calm motion through the poem, and I find that this is the weakness of the piece.

    I would suggest you work a bit on the form, trying to give it a smooth read, which would really compliment the notion of inner peace or being at peace with one self.
    The reason I think it would be good to have this throughout the poem, is that it sounds like a reflection over a past experience, from someone who has already obtained this peace.
    If you would like to give the impression of a journey towards this, you could work in the direct opposite direction of my suggestion; which might also produce some extra qualities.

    best
    -tZar
    | Posted on 2006-03-14 00:00:00 | by tZar | [ Reply to This ]
      I wouldn't call this the best poem I have ever read, nor the worst. I like the way you have written about an untouched topic. I also like the few questions that you have asked in the poem. They add to the readers interest, well at least to mine.

    What I didn't like about it was that two paragraphs were amazing and the rest not so much.

    "His best friend is himself,
    Fulfilled in his own company,
    in thought he reaches wealth,
    because he can never be lonely,"

    I think that this was the least important verse in the poem and surely you could add some significance to it.

    My favourite verses are the fourth and fifth ones.


    Thanks for sharing


    Abbas
    | Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]



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