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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: When in my Vision...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Kersofmia
    ASL Info:    19/m/Mia
    Elite Ratio:    5.51 - 111/84/44
    Words: 59
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 300
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 389



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhen in my Vision...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    My breath is taken,
    As if drowning in emotion,
    Heart beating eratic,
    As if a pace maker short circuts,

    Knees giving out,
    Sight becoming blurry,
    The thunder of my heart,
    Deafens my hearing,

    I will never give up wanting,
    Even if I have no control,
    I am a slave to love,
    And your what I yearn for...




    Submitted on 2006-03-15 09:32:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      whhhaaaat, i think this is perfect the way it is. it gives off a vibe of feeling restricted because of the fact that it's short and wasn't bogged down with major detail. like the poem itself is as flustered about love as you are...i love it
    | Posted on 2006-03-16 00:00:00 | by MmR | [ Reply to This ]
      oh I like it. nice imagery 4 the ones that have never experianced have someone be in control of u. I think u should have elaborated a little b/c its such a powerful thing, I feel u didnt cover it as well as u could have. Maybe mention how restricted u r, as if ur on a leash or in a cage. Just a thought :) still, good. Ciao~Rach
    | Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by Aprie Chick | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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